Monday, December 28, 2009

New Guitar

It was a new start
My new guitar and me
On the first day we met it said
-"You cant handle me"
With a smirk on its face and twist in its string
It was mocking
It was laughing

I tried to play
The first few times
I could hear it say
- "Ok kid try it your way"
with air of superiority
and a sadistic smile
it just gigled
while i was trying

I tried hard - hurt my fingers
The thought of giving up lingered
But I was enjoying the game
I knew the guitar felt the same
But still far from audible
It was only decibel
But a little better that yesterday
that was my consolation of the day

Days passed and i got better
String by string and chord by chord
The guitar lesser of an enemy more of a friend
And as i practiced i think it said
"You doing well - better than before
The days that passed was a test
and i can see you are doing your best
But still a long way to go
but now we are in it - TOGETHER ......... "

Its the same
In every game
especially the one called life
It tests you till it finds you worthy
before you get anything
If you break before the test is over
ITS OVER ......
Never give up :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Thank you?? ..... God

'We thank you god for the world so sweet
We thank you god for the food we eat
We thank you god for the birds that sing
We thank you god for everything ....... Amen'

Those who have studied in my school might be very familiar with this. And for others - this was the prayer we had to say at the end of the school hours, before leaving. Thanking god seems to be a very important thing. I have heard, read and seen a million times everywhere - "We must be thankful for everything". I certainly believe in being thankful but i have a lot of objection with excessive expression of this fact - and specifically to god.

See if you have a very very dear person - say a close friend, a younger brother/sister, lover, relative -- anyone. And you do something for them - dont you feel a bit annoyed when they thank you for what you have done. It seems ok from a stranger but not from a close person.

Its like - 'Hey, i didnt do it for a "thank you", i just did it to see you smile.'

Now if a lowly human with simple feelings can feel this way. Then tell me how the supreme being (so to say) would feel. How would a mother feel if her children kept thanking her - wont she feel cloyed.

I used to thank god a lot for everything - even the troubles. But then i realised it must be getting pissed - because i believe that we are all very very close to god. Knowingly or unknowingly. That energy/power (whatever it may be) loves us all - basically we are all part of it. So then why the 'thank you'.

I am not being thankless or taking things for granted. I am just not expressing it - instead i smile with gratitude for anything given to me - joy or pain. I am thankful - but am going to be happy instead of expressing it.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Good or Bad ..... Neither

Lately for me the lines between the 'GOOD' abd the 'BAD' are becoming hazier and hazier. I wonder when did good - bad / right - wrong came into picture. Was it always there as an inherent part of everything or did it have a beginning. What we consider good/right/correct now - it sounds a very appropriate means of labelling activities that we perform - but by the meaning of good - is it good?

Here i am trying to say that good and bad are very efficient classifiers of action into two groups - one desirable and other undesirable. But does the meaning of the word good and bad has to do anything with it.

If this separation existed always - then it should have been there even before life began - but then consider the following -

1) Earthquake - destroys geography of entire planet - no life -> good? or bad?
2) Comet collide with planet -> huge destruction??

[sorry for poor imagination - this is all i could think in a world without life]

Then when life began - the first set of molecules that coalesced to exist as life.
They had their cycles - good? or bad?
Some of them started to feed on other microbes - one bacteria eating other - good? or bad?

After a little evolution - larger creatures - feeding on each other - so were carnivorous creatures good? or bad?

When i think about this i feel the good and bad never existed - it came into being not when the first man was murdered - but when someone wanted to take a revenge. In the name of punishing the other - his activities were called 'BAD'. Down the line just like the society things kept getting complicated and complicated - but the basic confusion that i face is - is the 'GOOD' really good? i am sure i want it. And then i see the stricking overlap between what 'I WANT' and what i consider 'GOOD' for me.

Oh the weather is 'BAD' today - its giving me allergies? Can the weather be bad?? its a cycle - neutral.

Then we come to complicated issues like - arent terrorists bad? as a label to distinguish their activities from mine - yes 'BAD' but not bad in its meaning. Yeah so they kill for what they believe - what is new dont we do the same - maybe not humans - but a life is a life. But in their heads they have a reason which is strong enough for them to act this way.

I would try my best to kill a terrorist before he kills others - but does it mean i am doing a 'GOOD' thing - i doubt that. Its like there is a heads to the coin and tails to the coin - thats it. His activites and mine were opposing - he wanted to kill - i did not want him to do that - we have conflict - the stronger wins. Nothing inherently good in what i did and nothing bad what he did. But to label the activities, yes, 'GOOD' and 'BAD' serve the purpose.

What i am suggesting is that good and bad dont exist. Its just activities - i chose to do things in one way - someone else in another - if we are opposing each other - there is clash - i take stand for what i believe - he does the same for himself. We use force - physical or intellectual and try to prove the other wrong. THATS IT. I am not doing any 'GOOD' nor is he doing any 'BAD'. These are just labels.

Monday, December 14, 2009

'do you have gf ...... so pls give me' - what nerve

So here i just put up a broadcast on IMO for searching one of my old school friend - Sanjay Raghavan and i got this friend request from meddy344 (no idea who), he saw the broadcast and so replied. K well i thought i have some lead so as to where Sanjay is ----- but no - SURPRISE - just when i thought i could expect the craziest stuff - this guy just proved me wrong.

me: hello
meddy344: hi
how are you?
me: do i know you?
i am fine
meddy344: no u don't knw me
where ru frm?
me: i am from Nagpur - did you read my broadcast??
[Ok chat starts - general - who and how etc..... normal]

meddy344: yes
me: so where are you from
meddy344: m from gujrat
me: you have any idea about sanjay
[Now since he read my broadcast - i expect he knows something to tell me .......hah! my wish]

meddy344: but can you tell me asl pls?
[Why the hell ....... wierd, couldnt understand how it was relevant in this context - but still i humoured his request]

me: 24 - M
what abt you?
[I had to ask back ... right]

meddy344: oh what a co-incidence
m also 24m
and m marathi
and u
me: me too
[Kool good till now - he is not the first stranger who i chatted while searching for Sanjay - the the whacky guy starts off now ....... ]

meddy344: so do you have any marathi girls ID
i need your help[
me: sorry cant help with that
[Yeah what am i - online dating service???]

meddy344: it's o
do you have gf
so pls give me
[WHAT WAS HE THINKING - and whatever he meant by 'so pls give me'??? such an ASS]

me: dude u need to grow up by now
meddy344: m boring now
take car
[And now he is 'boring'???]

me: u too
meddy344: can u delete my id
me: sure
[Good Riddance]

PS : This happened really - word to word. There sure are whacky people out there and i am sure this guy is just the tip of the iceberg.

PS2 : No hard feelings meddy344. If you are disturbed by this post please leave a comment. [:s/meddy344/xyz/g]

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Worth it ..... yeah :)

Cost of bus to Nimhans hospital - 7 Rs or on a bike (40Kmpl) - 3 Rs
Cost of return on bus to office - 7 Rs or on a bike (40Kmpl) - 3 Rs

Human effort
- 20 mins standing/sitting/driving
- 15 minutes lying down
- mass loss 150 gms

Returns :
1 Certificate (Not important)
1 fruit juice (yeah right)
4 biscuits (are you kidding me)
1 human LIFE - infinite value
Satisfaction - infinite value

There are things worth the effort - like the smile on that stranger's face whose wife was going to be operated ........... and the smile on my face .... too :)

The Smiles - VII

A few months later .............................

'What will you have dear?'

'Get a cappuccino for me.....'

'Back in a minute.'

Jef walked up to the counter. He was in a very good mood today for no particular reason. As he walked up to the counter he saw a familiar face. It was his old friend who had advised him to go to the memory surgeon. Jef was delighted to meet him.

'Hey Jef how have you been? You look great man.'

'Ya man - things have turned just perfectly for me. Come here i want you to meet someone.'

Jef took his friend up to his table.

'Dear i want you to meet my friend - you know the one i told you about. He was the first to ask me to go to the surgeon.'

'Oh so nice to meet you. Jef is so so greatful to you and so am I. Thank you for all that you did. I would have never met such a wonderful person if it was not for you.'

'So Jef you finally did choose to do the operation?'

'Yes and no.......'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Well i did go to get that operation done. I had even finalized it but at the last moment I didnt go through with it. Everything was set i was in the machine they had made to do memory surgeries. You know thats one hell of a ride. It like looking into your own head. When they started the operation all memories came in from of me. Everything i have in this brain was in front. It was amazing. I saw things in my memories right from my childhood - my childhood friends - my school - college - my time with her everything was like moving pictures in front of me.

I saw her at times when we were together. When we fought - her smile, her laugh, her look saying 'how could you', her look saying 'i need you', her disappointment, her excitement, her dreams that she shared with me, the time we spent together. Everything was there you know - everything everything. Tears started to come out of my eyes - those were not sad ones - but happy ones. Of seeing her again. And then i thought - i havent lost her at all - she is here - closer than ever before. It was only my stupidity that i had lost her from my thoughts. There was absolutely no reason for me to be sad - it was just my foolishness that i was unaware of till that moment.

I realized it would be stupidity if i let this go. It was only how i associated with it. And i was happier than ever before at that moment. There was no need for that operation.

Another thing i realised is love is not at all about wanting the person - its a strange feeling of enormous happiness when you see the other person smile. There were no bonds there - no constrains. My relation with her was re-invented at that moment. There was no scope of sadness in there now. I was at peace. And she was always around me. There were no conditions - no illusions - just happiness.

I would have never reached there if i had not gone to the doctor. And i would have never gone to the doctor - if you hadnt coaxed me to. So thank you so so so much.'

The three of them were smiling at each other. The smile that is full of contention and satisfaction - a happy friend - a lovely companion and few great memories - Jef couldnt ask for a happier life :)


Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Decision - VI

Jef was again waiting for his turn in the clinic next day. He had made his decision. He was going to go for the operation. He spent his time wondering what it would be like. There were some forms to be filled, declarations to be signed and some tests of fitness to be given. After going through all those he was ready and the doctor came up to give him the instruction about how they would go about doing the operation. The doctor spoke -

During the operation Mr.Jef you will be lying in this (he indicated towards a machine in the room through a glass window) and we will talk to you through every step of it. You just need to relax. You will get memories one after the other as we will activate the nerves in your brain. You will have to tell us which is the part you would like to be removed. Its that simple - just to be sure we will reinvoke the connection so that you can be sure of what you are about to remove. The responsibility is yours Mr.Jef - Lets get the sadness out of your head shall we.....

The machine was like a MRI scanning machine and he was going to sleep in a some sort of tunnel. The nurse came and gave a small pill to Jef.

What was this for?

Oh - its just a soothing agent - so that you are relaxed in the process, thats all.

It was time Jef lied on the platform and it got inserted into the tunnel. He could hear the voice of the doctor clearly and he was making sure Jef is comfortable at each and every step.

Jef close your eyes - now all you need to see is in your own head so you dont need to look around. Just relax.... take normal breath. If at any moment you feel uncomfortable we will pause. Dont hesitate at all.

Jef closed his eyes - surprisingly it was not dark - instead it was bright white light that he was experiencing. It seemed to stretch infinitely everywhere. Then suddenly he saw moving pictures cropping out of nowhere - drawn on nothing - just floating around him. And there were trillions like those filling up the whole space. The were like everything he had in his memories was in front of him.

The doctor spoke -

Jef could you please think about her now........

The scene in front of Jef began to change; there were prominent pictures of her around him.

Do you see her Jef?


So Jef..... all your troubles are just about to end.

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Answer - V

The doctor without any hesitation looked into the Jef's eyes and said in a very calm and assuring voice.

'I know exactly what are you feeling. But tell me does she remember you?'

Jef was silent. His confused mind had already given up the fight for reason - he just wanted answers - no questions.
The doctor spoke to explain :

'You see Jef - you cannot remember anything if you dont have a brain. And where she is right now - she is beyond the realms of physical existence. She is not attached with memories or ideas or pain. These are traits of the brain - the cells. She is at peace where she is - in perfect state. If you believe the concept of soul then you will know. Even if not - still the argument stands.
Even all this pain you are feeling is just a part of reactions of your brain. The chemicals in the head - bombarding the connection which has become predominant. All i am offering is to bring your own head into control so that you can lead a happy life.'

Jef thought 'happy life' - its had been a while since he had felt that. Its been long since he smiled at the mirror - happy to see the face it in. It been so long when he laughed openly. And he wanted it so bad - he knew that - there was no doubt in his head about this atleast.

The doctor's argument was very rational and logical. He thought - there is nothing wrong in this. I am not abandoning her. How can i abandon her when she is not there at all?

Jef affirmation to go through the procedure was increasing and he was already feeling better a bit. He left the room after tellling the doctor he needed some time to think about this.

Jef walked alone on the road - unmindful of where he was going - that didnt matter to him either ways. He thought of what his friend had told him - "She would want you to be happy" - and then the doctor - "just a connection..." -- "reaction of brain" -- "only cells". He closed his eyes and tried to talk to her. With a hint of guilt he asked her what he should do. And in his imagination her voice spoke

"Be Happy"

Jef opened his eyes and knew what he was going to do now.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Question - IV

The lady was back reading into her magazine even before Jef turned back to her. So he got up and started following the lady who had called him. He was lost and in no position to understand too much. He just wanted to hear something that would calm him down - but at this moment he had no idea what it would be. Was he in the right place? Is this the right thing to do? Whats wrong with this? Anita is better off? So will i be too? What is going on?

As Jef was bombarding himself with torrent of questions - they reached a door. The lady entered and asked Jef to follow. The room was nothing like a doctor's room that Jef had ever seen. It was dim - not much illuminated. Something was calm about the ambience in the room. Jef felt relaxed for some reason. There was very comfortable sofa seats present in the centre of the room. There were plants and flowers all around. The scent of the flowers was very soothing. Jef took one of the seats on the sofa and in a few minutes the doctor entered the room and after a customary greeting they were sitting in front of each other.

'So Mr.Jef I know you must be having a lot of questions. Shall we start?'

'Doctor how do you remove memories? Doesnt it harm the brain?'

'The first thing that comes to mind - and very pertinent too. You see memory is nothing but a connection between two neurons in our head. Neurons are the basic cells that make up the brain. And when an electric pulse moves along this connection you have a reaction called memory. There are multiple routes to a memory but only a few become very dominant. What we do here is to instigate the neurons to make that connection weaker - its nothing to do with destroying anything in the brain. You see if a person has gone through a trauma - then he or she relives the trauma again and again when the connection gets active - and its not in control most of the times. So by just removing this connection we make lives easier for people.'

'But then how do you make sure you are cutting the right connection? And how do you search for it?'

'You see there is no way anyone can tell what the connection means other than the person himself. We just instigate a connection - this makes the memory active in the brain of the person and then he can chose whether this is what he want to delete. No other person comes to know what is being deleted from the memory but the person himself. The precision of our devices is much greater than the cellular level so the probability of a mistake is extremely low.'

'Then how do you know that the person is doing the right thing?'

'We monitor the bodies reactions to memories. It is simple to find out which ones are really bothering the person. Apart from that there is a psycological test you have to go through to be deemed fit for this operation. We are here to save people from unnecessary pain - not create more for them.'

The reasons were very appealing to Jef. Well it was just a matter of a tinsi winsi connection. But the moral question bothered him. Still in confusion - but now desperate for a decision, he spoke to the doctor impulsively.

'But what about the responsibility? I loved her ... so what she is not there anymore ... I love her still.'

The doctor's lips slightly curled at the edges - probably wanting to smile. It was like he was just waiting for that question to be asked. It was like he knew he would have to answer that - and he was smiling because he was ready for it.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

First Visit - III

'Good evening Mr.Jef - this is your first visit?'

'Yes i have come for consultation. Is the doctor there?'

'Yes sir he will be free shortly, why dont you have a seat till then. I will call you'

Jef turned toward the couch and the bean bag kept in the waiting room. There was another lady, sitting and reading a magazine to kill the time. After a moment's hesitation Jef chose the bean bag - always felt it was more comfortable.

While sitting there he had an butterfly feeling in the stomach as he went through the events of the last few days in his head. He remembered the talk he had after the night's booz at his friend's house. He still was not ready - but in the name of practicality had realised his shortcomings. He needed some help and he was looking out for it now. He felt like calling his friend over - but the ego did not allow him to do so. He was doing what he wanted in the first place and what jef had argued against.

Trying to get over this feeling now jef looked around in the room to distract himself while he waited. Picked up an arbit magazine from the table in the middle, and tried to find something interesting in it. "Memory is just a connection of neurons." - he came across this statement, and was thrown into confusion - "JUST A CONNECTION" - is that all it is - Jef was getting restless - it was a combination of guilt - a bit relief - a bit disbelief - and felt like an angry fool. Was he wrong all this time? Was it only the connections of the neurons which drove him to so much hurt? Is this true? Am i believing this for my own convenience?

Jef was battling himself now - he was torn into two parts, one wanted to believe and the other wanted not to. At one moment he was feeling like a criminal for trying to throw away her out of his mind and the very next moment a fool for being so sentimental for all this time.

Jef wanted to talk to someone - anything to distract him. The lady in the room was the only approachable person to him. So he began - 'Excuse me ma'm, My name is Jef, I was wondering - have you been through the procedure of memory surgery?'

They lady responded - 'Hello , my name is anita - yes i have been through it, it has been such a life changing thing for me. I am so glad that i came here. My life had been in such a mess. But now i can relax - i am not haunted by my past. It seems you cant miss what you dont know. And it has worked well for me. I am better."

Jef - "But doesnt it bother you that you have lost memories of someone very special to you. Do you justify just forgetting them. I mean isnt this cheating.. i mean ..... i mean.... "

A lady from behind calls out - "Mr.Jef the doctor will see you now, could you please follow me ......."

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Suggestion - II

tringggg tringggg ....................
tringggg tringggg ....................

The ringing of the phone woke up jef. The phone was answered.
'Hello ........... hmmm ........ yes ...... never mind that i will meet you tomorrow and we will discuss it then........... Ok see ya bye' ^click!

In the background a TV program going on with a talk show - it all was only mumbling to jef for a while. His head still had not come back from his drinking misadventure last night. Rubbing his eyes and holding his head in his hands he let out a grunt. Then trying to make sense of where he was and what was the time - he looked around. The sound of the TV had become clearer as he moved towards it.

".......... this brings us to a moral question - with technology now able to change memories - what responsibility do we keep for our loved ones? Is is right to remove the thoughts of those we have lost? Today we have with us .......... Dr. ...... "

A voice from behind jef asked - 'So jef how are you feeling now?' ........... No answer

'Would you like a coffee or tea?'


After five minutes they were drinking coffee on the table. Nothing made a sound except the TV buzzing with advertisements. Jef was getting a bit restless. His friend made no attempts to talk or discuss anything. Finally Jef spoke -

'No man - this just doesnt sound right. I cant just forget her. This is waste ...... pure waste . Deception , cheating - How would you feel if the one you loved the most just forgot you?'

'Jef, how do you think you feel when the one you loved the most is in the dumps - destroying her own life. What is one thing we want from the ones we love? isnt it their happiness. Tell me - seeing you live like this - would she be happy or sad? Would she be glad that you are destroying yourself because she is not around.'

'But man it hurts. I love her so much ....... how can i live without her?'

'Do you really love her, Jef? I doubt, you just want her to be with you. Love is not bound by anything it is ........ '

'Dont give this philosophical s**t to me. Those are just hokum - cooked up to try to prove superiority, but when the lines get drawn all stand below them.

'All i am saying is that we must move on - not get stuck - and if we are not able to do that then we try to get help or try some other way. I cant believe if you say that there is no person who is important in your life for whom you will smile - even if it is a false one - you know the truth. You are just taking it the wrong way - you have linked guilt with happiness - when actually being happy is the best thing you can do for her at the moment. '

'What do you know - you have not lost anyone - and even if you have you didnt love them as much i did ....'

'This is exactly what you are doing wrong my friend - why do you measure love on the scale of pain - and do you believe and those who show pain feel it more ?? Why cant you measure the strength of love on the basis of happiness that one gets - when they think about those they love - why not the power that they get to rise above the situation when they think about those they love ....... '

Jef had no answer - but he was not in the position to see the point. He had pushed himself too deep into it to understand what he was saying. Jef looked at him with hatred - the one which we give to those who perform sacrilege, stomped out of the room - bumping his shoulder into the pillar on his way.

Monday, December 7, 2009

An Old Friend - I

It was dark with a few halogen lights on the ceiling - small apertures in the canvas on the ceiling letting a part of it come into the room and make things barely visible. The music at the loudest - banging of the drums and shouting of the rockstar - typical urban pub. He entered with his friends. It was a weekend. The time of the week to enjoy - relax - and be HIGH.

In the other corner of the room, in the shadows, he saw a familiar outline. He recognized but hesitated to say hello. He knew what had happened. Jef had lost her - and with her he had lost himself too. In his eyes one could see the pain which he was trying to forget in the alcohol. He had been a great guy - but where is he lost now? After a pause he couldnt see his friend like that and so he went up to him.

'Hey jef, how are you man? long time no see'

In half subconsciousness, with great difficulty he raised his brows in response to the sound. Stare - stare - stare. One affected smile. That was all he could reply with.

'Jef, seriously man - what are you doing? You have taken this far enough. Why dont you go and visit a memory surgeon?'

Jef stood up with a surge of anger - as if energy surged through his body and shouted -

Thuddd - the surge was numbed with all the alcohol in him. He fell to the ground and puked in an unconscious state.

'Lets go home Jef'

He took him to his house - with great difficulty. Jef was not a light guy. And let him sleep and wear off all the booze he had taken. He had taken up the responsibility - tomorrow was going to be the challenge. Was he prepared? He did not know - but he knew he had to do something. He spent the night thinking what to do the next day ............

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

!#$$@%^@!&#!$((%*!#^@& - (u dont wanna know what that is)

He doesnt drink - doesnt gamble. Is rational and sensible. Hard working - intelligent. He doesnt smoke. He know to play guitar - He likes to watch movies. Very friendly in nature. A likable person.

She is friendly - doesnt drink or smoke. Has no bad habits - looks beautiful. She is smart and caring. She never hurt people. She sings and draws well.

They have known each other for 5 years now. They talk with each other almost every other day. They understand each other. They like each other.

When he get angry - she calms him.
When she get dissappointed - he peps her up.
When they talk to each other - they are happiest.
They only want to see each other happy.

Neither has a mental problem - physical problem or any major health issue.

OOOOOOooooooohhhhh! but sorry your castes dont match :(
Guess this is how god made you - different and completely incompatible - how can you be happy with each other. This is a sin - and you want us also to be happy about it. Child you are making a mistake - a huge mistake. I dont consent to you seeing each other.

And dont forget child : I love you and am only concerned about your happiness.

S - Sadistic and
O - Oraganised
C - Criminalisation of
I - Innocent
E - Emotions to
T - Terrorize the
Y - Youth

PS - I am just about to explode with profanity at the irrationality of such parents. But that doesnt achieve anything does it. The only thing that needs to be done is to make them understand - with patience - a LOT LOT LOT of it. In this case they are worst than children. So children have to grow up to become understanding parents.

PS1 - Typical Indian society scenario ....... very very sad.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My story of the universe :P

In darkness all around
nothing to be found
Everything there
Just not yet aware

No Time to pause
No effect , no cause
No space to be
No place to see

With bang it began
With energy it sprang
In directions everywhere
Now space was there

It started in a flash
increasing its span
Something was to follow now
So time began

A part of the energy
a bit later
Chose to be limited
and became matter

The system was in anarchy
No rules no laws
So energy and matter decided
To remove the flaws

They chose some rules
To be followed always
At every time
And every place

Some matter after a while wanted to be energy again
Moving round everywhere It tried to find some way
It met a few many who wished the same
They stuck together and star became

The universe never stopped expanding and distances grew
So they created wormholes so matter could get easily through
There were violators who didnt stick to their roles
They were punished by sending to the black holes

But after a while the fun was over
Everything was following the established order
The rules were perfected , the laws - fixed
Things got boring, something was missed

Matter borrowed some energy -
created something called life
All rules, all laws remained the same
except the rule of strife

The rock stayed a rock ,water stayed water
But life kept changing though its the same matter
Energy and matter found a new way to flow
it was fun, something new and different so

But after some time like repeating history
Life felt stuck and everything boring
The rule of strife, followed by life
led to the rise of -'the intelligent being'

Throughout the time things changed a lot
The energy and matter in life completely forgot
What it really was and how it began
In this ignorance it made its own plan

We are just the same energy thats everywhere
Anything else is just illusion
Which misguides us away from the truth
Adding to all the confusion

Lets see how things go onwards
Where going backwards is the way forward
We will sooner or later find our way
Just wait and watch till that day

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Earth being round was a joke....... wasnt it??

Its funny how the mind plays tricks on you. One moment you are up and ready to go ahead - full of confidence and bubbling with energy and then suddenly you are like a mountain on your shoulder. And all this because a small thing is out of place. The capacity of the mind to make an elephant out of ant is truly amazing.

How it harps on the negative aspect when the good things are blaring in front? Why does it do it? I wonder. I have been through a feeling like this quite a few times. Probably when something important is at stake, something we want with great intensity.

Whatever it is - its funny because when you think back it always proves to be stupid to have thought those negative things. But not when you are going through it. At such times one only needs someway or someone to show the positive and stick to it. Some take it to god, some to friends, some to family and some to themselves. It doesnt matter as long as you are able to get over it.

But then when out of it i wonder - if the mind has such a nice amplifier of negative thoughts - why cant it amplify the positive ones. Obviously it is capable of doing that - then do we somehow block it or dont let it develop? How Koool it will be if there was a negative amplifier after the amplifier of negative thoughts -- he he. So whenever you are in trouble or stress - you would spring into happiness and be cheerful. ------ WOW :D . Might sound stupid - but then sometime back even earth being round was a joke. :P

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Its needed ???

It amazes me
How frequently
We normalize it
saying - 'Its needed'

It hurts me
How easily
We take a life
saying - 'Its needed'

It humours me
How subtlely
We justify greed
saying - 'Its needed'

It pains me
How comfortably
We destroy nature
saying - 'Its needed'

It destroys me
How time and again
I do all this
saying - 'Its needed???'

PS :- More important needed by whom? - JUST ME ME ME ME

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Death != Big Deal

Saw something i had seen before today while going towards the office. It was a street dog after being hit by a vehicle breathing its last breaths. Had seen such a thing before too - but this experience was different from the last ones that i had. This time as i moved across that writhing body - half in blood in the middle of the road - something inside me churned. Cant explain the feeling exactly - was it pain, sadness, helplessness? i dont know - but i do know i was damned confused.

I saw that dog there on the street i knew he was alive then - and it was obvious that he was suffering. The question in front of me was - can i do anything for that poor thing suffering? then i thought how? can i take him to a vet? do i know any vet around? will any clinic be open at this time (it was a bit early in the morning)? What after i take it to the vet? Can i afford to spend? Will my clothes get stained? What if the dog has an infection? what if my hands get all bloody? Can i go to the office with soiled clothes? The more i thought about it - the more negative thoughts about doing something about it came to the mind. After a while i was disgusted by my own thoughts. By this time i was 500 meters ahead from where the accident had taken place.

Someone in pain is dying in the middle of the road and i could just move past it without a thought. And now i was thinking how not to get dirty..... What if it was a human? Wont i have jumped up right at it and tried to take him/her to the hospital. If yes about the human - then why am i hesitating now? Is it that a human life is more important that a dog's - how do i decide that - there is such a huge bias because i too am a human. Then is my bias the truth - how do i justify this?

Simply i tried to put into perspective the activities of the dog and human - what humans do ----- and what the dogs do ----- from a neutral standpoint - if i forget for sometime that i am human - and try to see the earth as a affected entity - then it is pretty obvious that human life is much more detrimental to the system than the dog's. So logic stands to give more importance to the life of a dog than a human. But still i was thinking ................ the thing was suffering........

I turned back to the dog - i waited on the side of the road so as to let the traffic situation allow me to go to the dog - there i felt maybe what the dog might be at that moment - the monster which had hit it, was coming again and again at his face swooshing past him - unsure if the next one coming will hit him again just as the other one did - the agony he must have been going through along with the pain - i can only imagine.

I went up to it - tried to lift up - the only thing i thought i could do for it then was to lift and keep him on the side of the road - because i saw that the injury was very severe - and i doubted if it could be saved - maybe it was my selfishness which was prompting me to think that way - to give up hope and not take responsibility - i felt coward. It made grunts of pain as i lifted it up i took it to the side in the shade. I was feeling pathetic - helpless - guilty - sad. I patted it on the head - that was my only attempt to ease the pain it was going through - and i knew that was all i was going to do....... i didnt do anything else i left it there to wait for death .........

Creatures live - creatures die everyday - i have no illusions or reservations about this one. Humans live - humans die. But after this event i feel if that dog's death was no big deal - then no human death is a big deal either - its just the part of the cycle.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I am not God ...... so what?

"Lets go to the temple today, pay our respects to the god"

Well i have come across this statement a lot of number of times. And everytime i have heard this i have been surrounded by a host of different questions - one of which i would like to discuss.

The basic axiom which i take for this discussion is that GOD - is a single entity - same for one and all. Not at all an unreasonable statement.

So when i say it is equal for all - that automatically means all the activities that we do in the place of worship have to be equal in their meaning. So to say - the joining of hands of the hindus, or kneeling down of the muslims or bowing of the christian are done to achieve the same ends i.e. to show respect to the god.

But since god is the same - so obviously the action that we perform to show respects cannot matter - because different people do different things to achieve the same effect. So in effect action is not the primary concern - if i want to show god i respect it.

The same can be thought about words - and so too about the rituals.

So now i ask - what is it that really matters in this context? Actions - words - rituals cannot be the absolute. And so i think there is something other which is common between all - which is actually the important part. And thinking about it 'FAITH' seems to be the answer.

So to say 'FAITH' that the action we do shows respect to god, is a more fundamental feeling.

So then if i take the next step - of separating 'FAITH' from the action, words, rituals etc and putting it in something else. The question comes to me - will i be doing something heretic?

Then what can i put faith in or rather what should i put faith in (to put faith or not is a question for another time but if we assume that it is needed to have faith then) - should it be a stone carved in shape of a mythological entity - should it be a tomb of a saint - should it be words in Sanskrit which i donot understand fully or should it be the pictures and photos of godly figures or should it be a cross on which the son of the god was supposedly crucified.

I find the best thing i can put faith - is something that helps me in all situations - is with me all the time - effects my life more than anything else - may not be magically powerfull - but its all that i have - MYSELF.

Yes i may not be magically powerful, may not move rivers, may not hold a mountain on one finger or create bread out of nothing. But between objects - that cant move and ME - who can think and move and act and feel - i prefer ME. You might say i am concieted and this is self important behaviour - but i am not asking anyone else to put 'FAITH' in me. They better put it in themselves is what i am saying.

Its the 'FAITH' that matters.

Friday, October 9, 2009

To a place where blind man sees ....

God i love you - God 'I WANT' to make you happy by making you 'LOOK' good. So what will i do you know - i will take few of your beautiful creations - not allow them to do what 'YOU' made them for - but 'I' think 'MY' requirement is more important than yours - so i will take them from their place and put them all around you - although for you it could be loss of purpose of 'YOUR' creations but that is not important to 'ME'. What matters to 'ME' - is that this object which looks a bit like 'ME' - which 'I' believe is what you look like - should look beautiful to 'ME'. Hope you like it. :)

PS : If you say that is what they were made for - you dont even have the idea who decides what is for what. Your decision is what you want - not the reality.

PS1 : The point here is not - What makes god look good, but how we are limited by what 'we' think.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Aliens in the outfields . . . . [0v0]

"How could he do that?"
"What the hell were you thinking?"
"Whats wrong with them?"

We look around and find these contradictions at every step of the way. All of us looking into each other's worlds. Some we understand; most we dont - simply because the rules and the laws in that world are different from yours. You like some - you find some similiar to yours but not the exact same. We all are aliens for each other- each living in their own different worlds. Everything that they come across passes through the filters of the laws in their worlds. The same thing is source of pleasure for one and disgust for other.

We are the creators and rulers of this world we create for ourselves. And though most of the things are not directly under our control - they are definitely done by us only. We create reasons to be happy, purpose to work for, events to get angry upon, decisions regarding success and failure, we create the difference between the right and the wrong. Most processes we are give to the part in us which works on its own. Particular person gets angry for a particular reason - attributing the anger to the external stimuli but not to his internal reasons for which he gets angry. Here i am not discussing the reason to be angry - the reason might be correct or wrong - but the origin of anger.

And so goes for each and every of the object in this world of ours - love, hate, happiness, sadness, guilt, inspiration, zeal, passion, anger. We are the only ones who have a choice - a choice to decide our response - none of the other creatures have this liberty and it a waste when we donot use this capacity. Lets make a better "World of Our Own".

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Happy Half - Bday to U

It was time again to go to bed, when something just rang a bell in my mind. There was this program on discovery channel that i had seen about how the body works. In one of their episodes they had analysed the phenomena of sleep and what a person goes through when he/she is sleeping.

They told something very interesting - they said that the state of sleep is extremely similiar to dying. That the body is almost in a state of half death where it is not able to percieve anything - time being one of the things (i always wondered about how the 6 hours of sleep just slip away unnoticed).

So using all their equipments and electrodes the scientists deduced that sleep is same as death - with only a little difference that we come back from it. The mind and body are absent during this phase.

So my point is if sleeping is half death - then waking up is half birth --- Yo - today is my Half Bday :D and so too yours. Enjoy today atleast half as much as your Bday. and EVERYDAY :D

PS : Dont let the law of marginal utility get you :P - there is always a reason to be happy for.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

If only you can feel.....

Dont know what happened all of a sudden. The first thing i did was to run and check for my friends - were they ok ..... But they were nowhere to be seen. Hopefully they found a safe place somewhere. I was still in the open and the noises were becoming more fearsome. The explosions and the flashes of lights everywhere. There was smoke everywhere as i tried to search for a place for myself - where i would be safe. The thunder showing no sign of abating. Nothing was making sense as i ran from street to street. But everywhere it was the same. The blasts - the smoke. The birds had flown away - lucky they has wings. I felt even the trees were trying to run away but in vain - they did not have a choice but suffer.
I found myself a small hole where i thought i will be safe and sat there the entire night hoping that these explosions will stop and i will be able to live another day. I never was able to understand what happened that night. But the memories scare the hell out of me.
I can think of no justifiable reason why were they doing this. They had gone mad.

- diary entry of a Dog on a Diwali night (Indian festival in which a lot of crackers are burst).

PS : i had written such a post earlier but somehow it got deleted. But the relevance of the message at this time around made me write it again.

If you are reading this - i believe you are educated enough to understand. And if still you donot take any actions - you know why the environment is going down the drains.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Maybe this helps .....

Some human tendencies i fail to understand :

1) I am stressed - Let me burn a hole in my lungs, destroy my immune system and then top it up with filling myself with toxins(tar) that can never be removed - Maybe doing this will help.

2) I am sad - Let me punch my kidney and liver so that they get a shock. Lose control of my nerves. Create a mess for me and those around me - Maybe doing this will help.

3) I am happy (because a thousands of years ago - the king Ayodhya - 'RAM' returned from exile) - Let me make my surroundings uninhabitable for all the birds and animals, let me create so much noise that even the birds sleeping in their nests miles away get terrified, the air around me be filled with obnoxious gases - which causes problems for me too - Maybe this will please the lord.

4) I am hurt(emotionally) - Let me throw it all around me, on my loved ones. Make them feel the hurt too - Maybe it will ease my pain.

PS 1) Smoking kills ..... if thats the solution to your stress then - all the best.

PS 2) Drinking distracts - solves nothing while destroying something. If a few moments of distraction from situation helps then - all the best. Though it does help to get into a good mood when with friends and you have celebration in your mind. But doesnt solve any problem at all.

PS 3) Have no idea what is acheived by puffing thousands of rupees into air in a short while and at the same time creating worst kinds of pollution. Amazing what we can find amusements in - worst, its done under the pretext of religion.

PS 4) In times when we take it all out on the ones near to us. Mostly they are not at fault. But for that period of time the universe is your enemy.

I have done these things. I have puffed cigarretes like nobody's business. I know the kick that one gets from it - but really its not worth the price we pay for it.

I have drank like a tanker - but at the end of the day i had to face all my problems head on. No alcohol helped me then. Only 'I' was with me.

I have burst crackers a lot in my childhood - but i saw a dog walking on the streets on diwali night. Man was he in hell. I failed to see the point anymore.

I shouted at my friends - not their faults - but i was in a bad mood because i had lost. Oh yeah - the capacity to hurt is directly proportional to the amout of hurt in me.

All of us get stressed, sad, happy, angry - thats normal. But what we do about it makes us a better or worse person.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Peer Pressure

The joke was cracked and the whole group was laughing. Though it didnt reach to me as a joke so i refrained from joining. But there was this urge - a huge impelling force which wanted to laugh out with my friends around me. This was my first time realisation of peer pressure.

Had been through it so many times but did not realise the dynamics of what was happening. Most of the times i would join the crowd. Or even in abstinence have the urge to do that. But more often than not - i would be going into the - 'Not wanted by me' territory. And the only reason for me would be - 'Hey they are my friends all are there - i too should'. Fear of falling out maybe or of getting distanced away.

But having been so close with my friends for pretty long time now that fear was no longer there. We understood each other - and there was no scope of distancing. Without that fear now - and so was not laughing.

So earlier was that the 'fear', that used to join in with the group. Now that i know this - i understand a bit better how peer pressure works for me. And am ready to take a stand now.

The effect of me not joining in was - they all stopped midway - wondering and looking at me. Like i was an alien - but i differed in opinion. Then i was the 'joke' for a while. And it died down in a few minutes. Thats that.

Though this was just about the joke - it happends in so many other places. There are times we donot speak up because so as to not see the looks of the people's eyes. There are times we donot question (typical Indian tendency) wondering what the rest of the class will think. There are times we donot reach out - when it is not what our companions would have done. I guess its time for me to stop. Stop considering what 'THEY' will think and do what 'I' think is right.

Think --- Choose --- Decide --- Act.

PS :- Something inadvertently we involve into due to peer pressure - smoking, drinks, corruption, not questioning, change opinion (just to be in vogue), must be many others. But nothing beats being 'YOURSELF'.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Justified ---- yes

I am amazed at our capacity to justify things on the bases of that 'WE' need it. Then we take it as an assumption that we need it - and then that what we do is so correct. And after doing this for a long long time it becomes a natural tendency. But never do we sit down to think and reason do we need it?

Everything we are doing - apart from sleeping and eating - is so out of place - so unnatural. I eat food that grows - but i no longer pursue food - i pursue some scraps of thin sheet like cut into uniform shapes with faces on them - well i cant eat it though - but now i can exchange it for food. A stupid barrier i feel between me and the food which grew and was there to be eaten.

I travel miles everyday - in order to get these scraps - for convenience we will call them duffs - to travel that distance i use vehicles - these things through out a lot of disgusting stuff everywhere around me. But then to drive them i need flat spaces as they cannot be used on natural places - so i cover the earth with a thick black sheet preventing the soil beneath from ever receiving the sunlight - and destroying the complete life cycle of the life underneath.
Well i dont see it - so why should i care?? Its justified - 'I' need it.

There is another queer thing i use all through my existence - its a form of energy i have come to be so dependent on now that i cannot imagine a life without it. Dependence is the key to the survival of the ecosystem - but it has to be a cycle. So i was talking about this energy i use all day long in almost everything i do - but to get it - build huge huge walls which stop the natural flow of water, destroys the soil cycle - submerges forests - weakens the earth structures and in other place i burn stuff, a lots lots of it , causing unprecedented levels of hazardous substances into the environment- hey but its justified - 'I' need it.

Coming back to the duffs - these have come to play a major role in my life - though despise the institution they have created - but i am bound by it - all , absolutely all decisions i have to make in my life revolve around it - why the hell..... i hate it for that - first of all it was never there in the first place - somewhere back in time i created it myself (for reasons unjustifiable to me). And now i am a slave of it - something that was never required in the first place. Wars are fought - people cheat - lie - kill - forgets themselves - disregards other's feelings for this - and but at the end of the day - its justified - because - 'I' need it.

Nature had created everything for us that was (actually) needed. But we desired more more more more - most of the things we say we need are extra desires. And we are ready to pay any price for it. Even if it means to make earth uninhabitable - hey but its justified - 'I' need it.

PS :- yes there are those trying to change things - and i am with them with all my efforts - but the average levels of ego and attention to one self rather than the bigger picture it too glaring and rampant. Lets make a difference in the capacity we can. And we often underestimate our capacity.

I want the tree in my courtyard to be happy that i live around it. :)

Friday, September 11, 2009

And he still wanted the pie .....

You just wont stop would you. You always come back at me - again again again and again. But now i have started to enjoy. I am understanding the rules. Trying to score a point if i may try. :) i am gaining ground - real slowly but steadily.
Everytime i have stood up with confidence you threw a harder blow at me. After going through it so many times i know now that i was fighting towards the wrong thing. I learnt it the hard way.
All the while i was trying to protect myself from you - always on the defensive - but i realised no matter what i do - you will get to me. oooh yes ! i know you have ways to do that. So instead i am starting to enjoy this funny thing going on between us. This duel maybe but actually now it is more of fun than a problem.
But now i accept - you will be there throwing all those problems at me and i have to just keep taking them up one at a time. Do the best i can. Thats all.
Success --- Failure :: dont seem to be the point because i succeed or fail you will keep sending them at me. So i am just learning to enjoy the process. And i know one thing for sure - there is no better way than to fight with all my might. And man it does feel good to do it....
'Life' i have found a comfortable place to be with you now - and i am loving it.
With all the troubles you have to offer - seem insignificant to the joy you give. You will wait for me - To break or smile? - Is entirely my option.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Found IT .......

Been searching for it for a long time now.
It has made all of what i am.
It gives me the power to do what i do.
It has made everything that has happened in my life possible.
It made me happy.
It made me sad.
It gave me pleasure.
It hurt me bad.
It was always there with my good and the bad.
Maybe it was waiting for me to find it....
Maybe .... but it made no efforts ... it was only I who was searching.

With hazy vision.... unable to see clearly through the thick fog that was always surrounding me.
The light i could see but the source was hidden.
But i moved ahead in the direction i thought was best.
Bumped into a dead end ..... dissappointed.
Dont know why but needlessly waited there for a long time.
Then just took another direction - knowing i was moving towards it - one wrong option was eliminated now ....
The haze cleared a bit i think - or was it just my own imagination.

In a distance then i could see
just the outline maybe
very much like me.....
My pace quickened - with expectations
though the source still undiscernable.
Every motion towards it made it more difficult to see
The clouds of fog around me thickening
I could have stopped - for i knew not what was to gain from this quest.
I could have stopped - for i knew not why i should go through all this pain.
But nothing made sense till i found it.

The wish for it was the only thing that was guiding me now.
The clouds had decided not to obstruct me now but their remnant remained. Still fogging my vision.
I moved closer to it.
The features were clearer now - the eyes, the legs, the arms, the face ... but still hazy.
I reached out to it and in the flash of the moment it also moved and reached out to me.
We were moving closer to each other now. Our hands just about to touch now and my hand hit something.
My hand had hit into a mirror - and the 'IT' was 'ME' ..........

PS :- The search for myself continues ...................

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

We dont fight fair .......

"Praise the lord" - really ..??????
Heard this thing too many times too many places. Before you make up you mind - no i am not athiest. I am pure thiest. But that is not the point of discussion i would like to bring up at this moment.

For those athiest who are reading - would you please atleast for the sake of the argument present here - take my word for it and believe there is this huge omnipresent power that controls all that is happening in the universe.

Now that all those reading agree that god is there. Does any one seriously think that the power that controls the whole universe wants to hear its own praise - considering that the power is beyond most of the human ken and that there is no doubt that there must be higher echelons of perception which the human brains cannot comprehend. In short - GOD IS NOT SO SELF INVOLVED TO GET HAPPY WHEN YOU SING ITS GLORY.

That is just a human tendency - to find pleasure in selfish motives.

This is one reason i never say - 'God is great'. Though i believe in it - but there is no means that i will please it by reminding it that. Flattery wont work on that power :P.

Am i against devotion - No again no - i fully accept that singing hymns - verses - shlokas - performing rituals is a great way for expression of devotion. What i am against is the thought that god will be happier (on me or in general) when i do those things.

The same goes to a lot of other things which we do in expectation to please that power. Ulteriorly so that it solves our problems ............... WONT WORK.

PS :- Used god as a neutral gender - couldnt make up he or she - nevertheless i believe it is beyond those distinctions.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Blog to blog

Disclaimer : Apologies to 'vaidehipatil' from whose blog the original picture has been taken...

Sunday, August 30, 2009

For now ....

Trying hard to write
But unable to express my thought
Blank it seems the head is
Although it thinks a lot
Tried to write an article
Just the other day
Wrote a page,CTRL-A delete
Didnt come out in the desired way
Tried to write a poem
That day about the blue sky
The thoughts were flowing
But it turned out to be one of my worst try
Loosing sight of thoughts
That come my way
Maybe these are the ones
Just not my day
Whatever it is
It will soon be gone
The inspiration in me
Would again turn on
Till that time this will have to do .......

Monday, August 17, 2009

Shouldnt it be the other way round ... ???

In the sun he burns
Rs.50 he earns
for the day's food
for which he would
have to feed four
like the day before
He has enough for his might
fill them up half tonight
A dog from the street
comes wagging at his feet
he lets him have a bite
"A good deed tonight"
hungry stomach inspite .........


I earn 25K
sit in AC all day
but if a dog comes my way
i shoo it away ........

PS : have you observed that the poor though they get so little donot let pass the opportunity to do simple good things. I have observed this many times that the labourers donot hesitate to feed the hungry dogs.
Its so funny when i observe in general the more we get the lesser we seem to be ready to give - Shouldnt it be the other way round ?????

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Learnt it ..... i hope ... :)

I learnt to walk, after i felt the fall
Learnt to smile, after a broken thought
Learnt to fight, after facing the defeat
Learnt to wakeup, after having the dream
Learnt to laugh, after the fall of a tear
Learnt to love, when i lost someone near
For all those things that happened
I am glad they taught me ------
I learnt to live, 'BEFORE' i die ......

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Humans - the progressive ......

We truly are a progressive species they say - if growing in numbers is the measure of progression - oh yes WE ARE. If destroying the natural order is - oh yes WE ARE. I just dont understand how can we not see it?

Have you seen the picture of earth from the satellite. Its blue - its green and then there are spots which look like diseased parts - spreading the infection - eating up the resources - moving to next part - and growing without bounds. Had an oncologist heard it - i am sure he couldnt have explained the cancerous tissue growth in our body better.

They grow unabated - We grow unabated
They eat up the resources in the tissue and issue toxins - we do the same
They move to new locations to spread the cancer - we too do that when we find any resource anywhere.

Sorry for sounding so grouse - but then truly i am not sorry for saying that - coz thats the truth. Our cities are build on the graveyards of forests - The rest of the animals are outcasts - as if its not there world too is it. But "why should i care" attitute get the better of us. We cannot go beyond the limits of our 'selves'. Can we give up a little bit of comfort so that the earth breathes a bit easy --- NO. Now where i am - i am trying but just am not able to find my way back - back to nature.

Science has helped a lot - ya thats what we all think (here i am referring to technology) - but in reality its the axis of all problems. If you think it logically --

Life got comfortable/better [in terms of luxuries] with the advents in technology --- This lead to growth in our numbers --- new problems because we surpass the equilibrium level meant for us --- then we search for newer technology that solves existing problems --- in turn making life more comfortable --- that leads to growth in our numbers --- and the cycle continues. Its a sort of circle -- opertional in the long run.

Just for facts - the natural number for us was somewhere in a few lakhs - and that was maintained for a long long time but since the last century we are already in billions. If you imagine its like 1000 people riding on a bicycle meant for at max. 2 . Sure its gonna break down - what are you expecting. But as long as i can eat - sleep - move around - reproduce - 'Why should i care'.

We all would be rejected - just like we have rejected the natural order. But still the earth holds on - still there is chance - but as i can see it - none are ready to embrace it - and do their bits.

No - i am not accusing neither am i blaming anyone - but this is the state of matters that we cannot deny or rather deny at our own peril.

All the best - I will still hope ........ till the end :)

PS - Donot see the anger in the post above - but the viewpoint. Thank you.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Where do you stand?

Something i read from a book, caught my eyes and thoughts .......

______Dependence on world_______
100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 20 10 0
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100
_____Evolution of a being_______

Where do you stand?
Are you sure you are there?
Kool........ :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Ping in Blinks

blink blink
ping :)

blink blink
ping :D

It is so simple to be happy ........

PS - just in case you are wondering what is this - you already know. Must have happened to ya sometime or the other....

The strangest part .......

Woke up a bit late - sister shouting to get ready for school - the school bus already reached my stop - all i could do was look through the window. But i had to go to school - just had to that day. So took the kinetic to school - and without licence...... but what the hell.

the road to school was long - it was 11 kms out of city limits. And it was my first time - maybe first time for anyone in my class that someone was coming to school by bike. Was i grown up for that - nevertheless i was driving. Two policemen stared at me - of course they knew from the look of my eyes that i didnt have licence - but i sped off on their face.

Then i dont know what happened but i reached chennai and my kinetik was nowhere to be found. But the temple was looking very majestic. Oh yeah i was at a temple - dont start asking me how.

I entered the temple - it was of black stone completely - maybe created out of one huge stone. It was majestic. More funny was that i found my friend, who was supposed to be in another city, there. He was with 3 other friends who had come for a visit to the temple. I went in front of him and sat down and said - '!!!! SURPRISE !#@!!!' . After the customery slandering we were laughing, but then i saw my aunty in the temple and she started asking me when am i getting married...... well it started getting crazier in here.

But that was a short talk and it was time to take a bus back home - hope fully back to where i came from. But i had not taken the ticket and didnt know how to get one. There was huge commotion as the whole crowd in and around the temple wanted to get on the bus.

My friends too had no idea where to get the ticket from and so it was decided the one who finds it will tell the other. And we walked in other directions. And suddenly i saw her - from a distance and it was just a glance, but i could recognise her anywhere.

She had not seen me, good, i liked to give surprises. So trying not to show my face i moved towards her. Tickets - oh yeah - it was completely out of my mind the moment i saw her. She was with her friends probably - but that was 'moo' condition for me. I crossed her in a swift move and said when my mouth was closest to her ear - 'dingdong'.

And turned around after walking a few more step .

"Hey i didnt mean to hit your toe, that was an accident"

She was speechless, just looking at me. Wasnt saying anything. I was expecting something ...........

Then suddenly the ground began to shake and i found out that the temple was on a cliff and the whole cliff was shaking as if there was an earthquake. And the buses had already started sliding in random direction and one was coming towards me....

I was on the cliff now , hanging on the edge and the bus moving towards me .......... and then BLANK.................
Again i could see, i was still hanging by the cliff. The earthquake had stopped. I saw my friend standing on one of the ledge and saying - "yyeeaaaa ben, jump here you will be alright".
I pulled myself up - the ground level was distorted, the buses were all gone. A few people were present there. I saw her too there. This time those eyes were happy ....... very happy.
We ran towards each other and hugged....... ZZZZZZZZAapppppppp ........

"OYE!! office nahi jana hai kya aaj" - (Oye!! Dont you have to go to office today"
It took me a while to come back to earth.

beep beep grrrrrr grrrrrrr

[Recieved SMS]
"I Love You dear" ...........

Now that was the strangest part of it all........ :)

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Sand .....

The sand
was slithering off my hand
wishing to keep it
i held it tight
but that didnt stop the sand
it kept slipping
my nails digging
i was in pain
coz i wanted to gain
but that didnt stop the sand
i let it flow
the sand that wanted to go
my fist unclenched
but then it stayed
the excess was greed
that i did not need
what i deserved
on my hand was served

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009

the ------ship that he made, set it sails

Some thought maybe or the situation
made him start building the ship -
The one he thought will travel
all the seven seas
Happy he was to start
Looking forward to all
Pleasant was the feel
that he enjoyed while doing this
Problems with their ways
came to him with surprise
He could have given up
but he chose to stick and fight
Never regretted the decision
He kept building it.....
The day then came -the ship at the docks
was ready to sail and go away
He was happy at the departure
for it was inevitable for the ship to leave
He was proud of what he made
and knew it was going away
but though so much close
he waved as it left the docks
it moved slowly at first, then fast
He watched it as it reached the horizon
He climbed the nearest tree to see it a bit longer
The image in his eyes never going to fade
the time he spent making it will never go in vain
The ship will brook the test of time and the seas
Happy or sad he could not tell
as he saw the ship going away away away ........

Its just the distance NOTHING else ....... :)
And everytime the ship will sail
He will be proud to have made it.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

From the other side

'Mom is what the doctors say true?'

Voice a bit weak and hesitant - 'What did you hear dear?'

'I heard you talking to them about daddy........' - with an anxious look that could burst into tears or happiness anytime now.

'No baby nothing is going to happen to daddy' - a bit more composed but the lie was evident.

With trembling voice this time - 'You are lying i know daddy is going to be born' - bursting into tears - 'i know what i heard'.

Seeing no point to hide anymore - tears start rolling.

'Its nothing dear, all those who die have to get born again - thats the rule of the universe. I knew this could happen someday - but didnt expect so early'

'Cant he be dead for some more time. Why is god doing this?'


with anxiety - waiting out | with anxiety - waiting out
of the hospital room wait- | of the hospital room wait-
ing for the result ------- | ing for the result -------

'I am sorry Ma'm, we tried | 'Congradulations Sir , you
all we could but we couldnt| have become a father......'
save your husband........' |


It doesnt end where you think it does .............. it is just another beginning :)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Asa Nisi Masa

"hello ma'm, i am Rajesh Shrivastav speaking. My employee number is 0960, i just wanted to point out that in your records my manager is Mr.Jacob D'souza but i have been working under Mr.Ram Mohan for the last 3 months, could you please update your records."

"Are you alright Mr.Rajesh?"

"Why do you ask that??"

"There is no person named Mr.Ram Mohan in the company who could be your manager......... are you sure you are talking about the right person."

"Ma'm i am quite sure, he sits on the second floor room number #210. I have been having regular meetings and was working with him all this time."

"Mr.Rajesh if this is any kind of joke, then let me tell you that it is not being appreciated at all, you should not be playing around in the professional environment. There is no roon #210 on the second floor. Please take care that such things are not repeated. Thank you" -- click ..... beep beep beep beep beep .......

(Whats happening with me?)

Rajesh gets up from his seat - without any thoughts moves toward the room #210 on the second floor where he used to meet with Mr.Ram Mohan. Something was different today for him. Things were just not the same. The place looked different - though it was never that he had taken time to observe it - he was a workaholic - concerned with nothing more than work. Work is Worship was true for Rajesh and he was very pious at that.

The conversation was being rerun in his head all the while - (Are you alright Mr.Rajesh........... kind of joke ....... not be playing around ..........).

The room was around the next corner. He was getting anxious, but confidant that there was some mistake - maybe someone was playing a prank on him. He was damn sure about Mr.Ram. They had talked so much - about the work and the details he discussed with him - he used to report to him. And now what he was hearing was not at all making any sense to him. He turned around the corner to see the door there, without any hesitation he opened it.

It was just the same as it always was - more importantly it was there. The chair the desk he took the chair there and waited for Mr.Ram.

This gave him time to think back, still confused with the incident that had just happened with him - he was still not completely out of it. He couldnt come up with possible reasons why someone would say something like this to him. He just concluded the lady to be a complete gone case - that was the only thing that relieved him from the anxiety.

He heard footsteps from a distance. He waited for them to come closer. He was hoping it was Mr.Ram. The door clicked open - and a middle aged man walked into the room.

Rajesh was relieved to see him. A deep breath was released from him. Rajesh didnt speak anything - the man simply entered the room and walked to the window nearby. Waited for a while there and then turned, smiled and spoke -

"So how are we doing today Mr.Rohit?" ............

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Found you there :)

The eyes got brighter
The load a bit lighter
The way ahead of me
seemed not that long
when random thoughts
in my mind found you there :)

The smile got broader
The brain a bit smarter
The day ahead of me
seemed not that bad
when random dreams
in my mind found you there :)

The heart got calmer
The pain a bit sublimer
The work ahead of me
seemed not that hard
when random feelings
in my mind found you there :)

The life got better
and me a bit happier
The life ahead of me
seemed only good
when random visions
in my mind found you there :)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I wonder ......

Is there anything good - is there anything bad
i wonder
Looking at the maze of life
Knowing not where to go
I see hurt and 'I' dont want it - so i call it bad
I see joy and 'I' want it - so i call it good
The doe was killed - a cub was fed
The doe was killed - a calf left alone
'Bad' is not bad - its part of life
'Good' is not good - its just another way
They both make the whole of what we call life
There is not any complication from where i see it
Coz it all is just what you do - and what i do
I Think - I act : You think - you act [FULL STOP]

Friday, May 29, 2009

The itsu theory

The world is conspiring but waiting for you to turn in your coin so that they may proceed with their plan to ----- to do what? thats up to you to decide.

I decide i will be happy - who stopped me - nothing but me only - and when i didnt - i saw the universe was waiting for me to smile - just i was waiting for - god knows what.

I was sad that day - the world was the enemy - the chat with even my dear sister was turning ugly - for what reason - i was sad - was i sad -

I am sad - the 'I' in that intrigues me so much that i cannot separate it from the sentence - it is the 'I' and not me that is sad - why should i be sad when i dont want to be that way - but the 'I' wants to be happy wants to be sad.

So how long am i gonna line on the whims of that 'I' - i dont want to - the world is a better place with a happier me - people are a bit better (even if it is just a perception - thats what creates my world) when i am too .

So lets just be happy - why - you ask me. Why not i ask you? In the end analysis you will close your eyes - and so will i - nothing will be left - just illusions kept by those numerous 'I's around you. What will matter is not what you made out of yourself - but what you left to the world - i am gonna leave smiles - as many as possible - as clean as possible - as innocent as possible - i strive for that. :)

Its the whole universe - waiting for your response - so what is it gonna be?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The rediscovery :D

All these days - how did i not think of doing this. It is so great. The experience is just too good. Too exciting. Man i wasted so many days.

But today it just happened - i heard songs while working. WOW ....

MUSIC IS GOD ........ man what a feeling.

I was transformed into a new world where there was so much fun - no botheration of what was happening around me. Just the beats of the song and the tapping of my computer keys - Brain working at twice the speed and fingers typing at a phenominal speed. Wowwwww .......

And then i left my place i was humming the tune - bouncing as i go - was there anything that i could not accomplish in that state. I was on the high.

Only thing i got to say - MUSIC IS GOOD. MUSIC IS GOD.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Please read this as a 1st standard hindi poem.

Chota tha tab mota tha
raat ko uthkey rota tha
mummy uthkey mujey sulati
aisa har din hota tha

thoda bada hua to school gaya
raaton mein uthna bhool gaya
teacher jab dekho chillati
aisa har din kaam kiya

ghar sey aya padhney ka jor
bola to mainey machaya shor
tution teacher roz padhati
har din karkey ho gaya bor

phir ayi college ki bari
padhai jaisey khatam ho gayi sari
girlfriend call kar mujhey bulati
har din hoti batey pyari

Hostel life to rocking thi
dosto key saath shocking thi
padhai jab kab yaad aati
wo exam key pehley ki mugging thi

iskey baad job karney laga
paisey key peechey bhagne laga
company itna kaam karati
masti maza bhulney laga

mummy ney phir karwa di shaadi
chin gayi bachi kuchi azaadi
biwi hardin mujhsey jhagadati
lagta ho gai barbaadi

dekhtey dekhtey ho gaye saal
sir par kuch bachey nahi baal
zindagi tab bhi khel dikhati
hardin sunati naya taal

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


The king of the land
His treasure so grand
command over the forces
in glory he rejoices
leads his home
to glory untold
but somewhere on the way
without any say
they came to his court
with pomp and show
he liked them though
his minister advised
beware of them oh king
but the king was already blind
He could not see that they
were taking all away
his power and glory
had began to sway
out of his control
was going his regions
but he was enjoying
their magic and illusions
he grew weak to their call
his strength began to fall
his kingdom was now suffering
which was once heaven for all
but a quit voice in his court
did never left his side
it asked to king to return
but failed all that it tried
the king that once was supreme
was now on his knees
for trusting the wrong ones
he was paying the fees
but he was the king
none the less
with him all the power
and all the prowess
with strength in him
to undo it all
to take back the control
and not to fall
all he needs is to know this truth
that he is king and he is the one
the voice waits to be heard
the voice waits to be heard
the voice waits to be heard
it waits for the lost glory
it waits for a new story
it waits to see the light
it waits to see all the right
it waits coz it knows
which way the tide flows
it smiles at those who made it fall
and says - "ITS OVER NOW"

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

10 steps from the edge .....

i saw a man with closed eyes
who said he wanted to see
he said he wanted to go north
and staunchly started walking south.

the wind blew to stop him
the earth blocked the way
the rains told him to change
the sun burned his day

With eyes tightly closed
he claimed to be right
and that he was heading the right way
albiet without sight

If only he could read the signs
if only he would open his eyes
if only he accepts .........
coz the cliff ends after his next 10 steps

will he open his eyes and turn the right way????

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Smiling moments .... :)

me: Speedometer dekh ...
rr: abey dhakkan
rr: it is not spedometer
rr: it is bhp
rr: power ka meter hai
rr: that car is 1000 BHP!!!!!
rr: ur pulsar is 15 BHP :)
me: :( tereko lekey deney wala tha
me: ja
me: ab nahi dunga
me: bas photo sey khush reh
rr: hee hee
rr: re re

To make any sense we are talking about this : BUGATTI VEYRON

Thursday, April 16, 2009

1:20 ..... i guess thats only fair

One dog bit a child : 20 dogs were killed
Next time someone hurts me : I am going to kill each of his family members.
Why? isnt it the way of the HUMAN.
To first defeat, cheat, destroy, banish, displace -
and if they hurt you - then kill them - so simple.

Whose home is it anyway?.......... ONLY MINE.

IRONICALLY : The only creature which can think - refuses to do it.

Well fine :) they say they just reclaimed new areas in HELL. So there is no longer the space issue.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Hardly any difference ......

Sorry for the bad resolution : thats the best you can get for free
And also for the poor visual effects : i am not that much of an artist after all
If you can see any difference ...... please tell me

Monday, April 6, 2009

Twoday .........

a new day started
But nothing was special
neither was it new year
nor was it christmas
the sun was the same
the sky just the same
It was not the payday
it was not a holiday
I got up as i usually do
I got ready as i usually do
I went to office as i usually do
I opened my blog page as i usually do
wasnt there anything NEW to DO?

# X * X # X * X # X * X # X * X # X * X # X * X #

a new day started
and all was new
the dream i had just now
i have the chance to make true
the sun and the sky
looking down and smiling
each passing moment
reminding me not to waste it
I had an objective i give to me everyday
to see a better me at the end of the day
it could be with a smile - mine or someones else's
it could be a thought which makes me happy
it could be something new that i tried to learn
it could be a new blog i tried to write
There is so much MORE to DO ...... :)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Gun and the Bullet

Strength : I have gun and i can shoot you

Courage : You can shoot me but i will still try to do it

Wisdom : I shoot or will be shot for the RIGHT reason

Fear : I am crossing no lines no matter the reason- still would you mind passing that bulletproof jacket to me

Confidence : Gun or no gun i can do it

Pragmatism : If there are chances of getting shot i better take a life jacket

Foolishness: I can NEVER be hit by a bullet

Cunningness: Shoot him we will divide the loot

Diplomacy : Dont waste your bullet on me - its not worth it.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Make your own way ..........

Man that was some traffic jam there yesterday near the silk board flyover. trucks - buses - cars - autos - bikes - all creating such a mess. No place to move at all. All stuck. Reaching home was looking impossible to me.
On my cycle then wondering if i would make it in time.

There was no way in front and definitely a no way back. I moved in front a bit - without any idea i went into the traffic. There was a small opening which i saw was there between the bus and the sumo which was not visible to me earlier. I moved into that gap. i was ahead of the sumo but still no way to go. Trying to push my way a bit here and a bit there - stopping the truck for a while and then an auto. Small verbal jabs at me here and there. I crossed the traffic jam.

And i looked back - i couldnt see the way i had come across the traffic - its like it never existed - it was there only for me when i was there and that too because i wanted to cross that jam.

Well i guess nothing ventured - nothing achieved. ;)

P.S. - ya i know i could have made the crossing the traffic part much more colourful and exciting - but that was never the point.......

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Colour me RED ...

Half slept eyes
or the drunken feel
everything zooming
like life on the reel
the director maybe
forgot the script
and left us playing
"whose line is it anyway"

I was dancing
to the music to please
That feeling to me
was the meaning
but i dont want to hurt
Empty box of chocolate
still looks like you want it

Where did this rain come from
i am fully drenched
this shiver i cannot stop
but still i am enjoying the splatter
as if i have a choice
my house is so far away
Is this blood?.......
that has coloured me red

Monday, March 16, 2009

WE ARE PROGRESSING ......... ?????

They made huge industries : introduced the world to poverty and then said - "WE ARE PROGRESSING"

They made huge vehicles : introduced the world to pollution and then said - "WE ARE PROGRESSING"

They made system of oppression : introduced the world to slavery and then said - "WE ARE PROGRESSING"

They made big cities : with dead structures by killing the living ones present and then said - "WE ARE PROGRESSING"

They made magnificent homes : after displacing the millions of innocent animals and then said - "WE ARE PROGRESSING"

They made weapons of mass destruction : introduced the world to its end and then said - "WE ARE PROGRESSING"

They made us believe that money is all : introduced us to this illusion and then said - "YOU ARE PROGRESSING"

They actually made NOTHING worthwhile : nothing that didnt destroy us and when i see around me i ask - "ARE WE PROGRESSING...?"


P.S. 'They' are 'us' - WE are the architects of our own destruction - please dont take personally - as a whole the humans are doing everything possible to end life on earth - but what can WE do - "WE ARE PROGRESSING.... (to doom ;)"

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dekha hai aise bhi ......... aise hi

Dil ki tammanaao ko aasman to chootey dekha hai
Kalpana ki patang ko aasman mein jhoomtey dekha hai
Chotey chotey pattoon par baarish ki boondey
Bade ped key niche barish se chuptey dekha hai

Khilono se baatey kar khayalo key pankh lekar
Un yaadon key aasman mein khud ko udtey dekha hai
Dosto key ghar janey key liye ma sey jhagda hotey dekha hai
Dost sey bhi jhagda kar koney mein aasu bahatey dekha hai

Khwaboon key sheeshey bikhartey hue dekha hai
Bichadney par dosto ko toont tey hue dekha hai
Zindagi key bheed mein khud ko dhundhtey hue dekha hai
Udney ki chahat mein khud ko girtey hue dekha hai

Doosro ki aankhon mein khud ko dekha hai
Mohobbat ki rahoon mein khud ko khotey hue dekha hai
Khud hi khud par sheehshey mein hastey hue dekha hai
Dekha hai aise bhi kuch aise hi dekha hai

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Dilemma to chose --- try section 49O

For those who donot consider that anyone of the candidates are fit to contest the election then you can also vote that you have no one to vote for.

The constitution has the provision that the citizen may chose not to vote for anyone thereby stating that he/she considers that no one is fit to be elected.

But for this you need to go to the polling centre and then state that you donot wish to vote for anyone.

So express your opinion even if you dont have anyone specific - be an aware citizen - this is what counts.................

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Its not at all difficult .......

Lets not give reasons people : we have an obligation to take part in the process which decides our future - its election time - THE largest democracy in the world going to vote.

And to be frank this is not that difficult - let me tell you few simple things about going to the election :

1) If you are Indian and above age 18 it is your supreme right to VOTE. No one even the stipulated rules can stop you from voting.
2) The only thing you need to prove is that you belong to a particular constituency. Thats all.

So the entire affair boils down to - proving that you are who you claim to be - that is the ID proof. That you are above the age of 18yrs - that is the age proof. And finally that you reside in the constituency you want to vote from - that is proof of address.

The ID proof : this can be anything that has your name and your photo on it and is recognised by the govt.

driving licence
PAN card
Company ID

The Age proof:

10th certificate
birth certificate
PAN card etc etc

The address proof:

Electricity bill
Water bill
Company letter
Driving licence
etc etc etc

AND ONE very important thing - you dont need to have a voter card to vote - you just need to have your name on the voter list of that constituency - thats all. This you can do by a simple procedure by submitting the document to the ERO office.

For those who want even a simpler process just log on to - fill out the details. take printout - submit the form. The site even gives the address of the nearest pooling center and the ERO office nearest to you.

And if you donot do even this much to participate in your countries decision making process. Then i just wonder how can you see eye to eye with the person in the mirror..........