First Visit - III

'Good evening Mr.Jef - this is your first visit?'

'Yes i have come for consultation. Is the doctor there?'

'Yes sir he will be free shortly, why dont you have a seat till then. I will call you'

Jef turned toward the couch and the bean bag kept in the waiting room. There was another lady, sitting and reading a magazine to kill the time. After a moment's hesitation Jef chose the bean bag - always felt it was more comfortable.

While sitting there he had an butterfly feeling in the stomach as he went through the events of the last few days in his head. He remembered the talk he had after the night's booz at his friend's house. He still was not ready - but in the name of practicality had realised his shortcomings. He needed some help and he was looking out for it now. He felt like calling his friend over - but the ego did not allow him to do so. He was doing what he wanted in the first place and what jef had argued against.

Trying to get over this feeling now jef looked around in the room to distract himself while he waited. Picked up an arbit magazine from the table in the middle, and tried to find something interesting in it. "Memory is just a connection of neurons." - he came across this statement, and was thrown into confusion - "JUST A CONNECTION" - is that all it is - Jef was getting restless - it was a combination of guilt - a bit relief - a bit disbelief - and felt like an angry fool. Was he wrong all this time? Was it only the connections of the neurons which drove him to so much hurt? Is this true? Am i believing this for my own convenience?

Jef was battling himself now - he was torn into two parts, one wanted to believe and the other wanted not to. At one moment he was feeling like a criminal for trying to throw away her out of his mind and the very next moment a fool for being so sentimental for all this time.

Jef wanted to talk to someone - anything to distract him. The lady in the room was the only approachable person to him. So he began - 'Excuse me ma'm, My name is Jef, I was wondering - have you been through the procedure of memory surgery?'

They lady responded - 'Hello , my name is anita - yes i have been through it, it has been such a life changing thing for me. I am so glad that i came here. My life had been in such a mess. But now i can relax - i am not haunted by my past. It seems you cant miss what you dont know. And it has worked well for me. I am better."

Jef - "But doesnt it bother you that you have lost memories of someone very special to you. Do you justify just forgetting them. I mean isnt this cheating.. i mean ..... i mean.... "

A lady from behind calls out - "Mr.Jef the doctor will see you now, could you please follow me ......."