Spoke too soon, did I? Perhaps you didnt like it. But I was not challenging or complaining or mocking. Surprised - yes, you had never been so easy on me lately, so the change of attitude was definitely a difference that I felt. You know how much I know you - not as much as you know me definitely but still I am trying to understand, bit by bit.
Fear you say - no I shall do my best to not let it take control. Its a waste feeling - never helped me. Some say it is basic to survival - but then is survival basic to existence? Agnostic about it - a bit against the idea of fear being useful but then again we live in a relative world.
I used to feel that there is supposed to be, or rather can be a smooth relationship between us. But simply the idea is only because I wanted it that way and has no bearing to how it is actually supposed to be. The more I try to understand the more my fantasies are broken as reality comes forth slowly. And I realise the perfection of things as they are - as they always were.
The stage is perfectly set - you have done all the hard work to set it up for me. Though my script is missing. And when I ask you for it - you simply smile. The smile is a mixture of mocking, understanding, explaining and the one of faith at the same time. You must have seen so many like me before. I felt you are waiting for my act too - maybe you know what is on stage and what is going to happen - maybe you dont.
But you show faith and you never stop smiling. As I stand at the centre stage the curtains are just about to rise - An actor without the script of even the knowledge of plot. The ending unknown - the curtains rise.
The bright light focussing on me - my pupils contract and I am unable to see what is in front. All I have is the light, your faith in me and myself. I close my eyes - take a deep breath. And open my eyes ............
No comments:
Post a Comment