I GET A NAIVETY HIT .....

"Donot fall in there" - i was shouting to myself, i was trying hard. I had fallen in there earlier - it was dark in there - it was confusing and restless there. I never wanted it again - but still at the sight of it i get drawn to it. It has some wierd sort of gravity maybe which is very strong and as i try to go away - my very actions seem to be the reason of my fall. I sometimes laugh at myself for not being strong. I sometimes shout for being so weak. It pops out of nowhere and at anytime. I know i get out everytime i fall - but this time i'd rather avoid the trouble altogether.

The darkness in there leaves it to my imagination to draw lines and pictures. And believe me drawing a colourful picture there has always been difficult. The fears get a chance to come out there - and they are like the worst ones to let have the control of imagination. For one thing they are invariably wrong and have a self multiplying tendency. The lines and shapes always draw a murky picture - something i would have never thought - something that i would have never drawn. My weakness gives them strength to start making their own pictures.

First i loath - then i question - then i wonder - and in the darkness when that is all i am seeing i start to feel they are making sense. And keep looking.

The illusions get strong - i start hearing voices, their volumes getting louder and louder. I could shout at them to shut up. But i dont till they drown my own voice which was guiding me all the while. I start to believe in them and the stories they tell - they lie - and have fun at my reactions. I can see the smiles at the corner of their lips - their grin getting broader at my misery. They seem to enjoy it so much.

I get tired and angry. I know its not the truth and i want to NOT believe it - but i torture myself under the effect of the darkness, my imagination and the voices. Till i point comes when i realise how stupid i am being. But knowing this is the easiest part. I still have to shut the voices - and get into the light. Sometimes you get used to the darkness - and live in desolace, but not me - not this time or any other.

I shout at them - they smirk. I know the place where i entered but unable to open the door back outwards. My imagination still playing games with me. It takes time to open the door - depending on how huge locks i put on it as i entered. But its always my victory at the end. I come out to see the light - i turn back to see the darkness and laugh at it ---- i see it losing its grip on me and feel happy and dumb at the same time. The happiness of coming out and the stupidity of going there in the first place. But then all is well.

I promise myself i am never going to be back here .......... i hope i keep it for the rest of my life.

PS : I GET A NAIVETY HIT

Stupid Dog ???

Just the other day i was walking on the street when i saw a dog. Just the usual street dog. Now he had some serious issue with his tail and was making desperate attempts to catch it. It was amusing to see him going round and round in a frenzy. I had seen it in cartoons many times but saw it actually the first time. And the first thing that came to my mind was - 'What a stupid dog'.

I realized i made that statement because i was able to see the inherent futility of the exercise - but it obviously was a very serious issue for the dog. Not demeaning the dog or anything but with its thinking capacity it thought and did what he thought he ought to. That was that. But I with a 'so called' better brain and 'higher' intelligence was able to analyze the activity and draw conclusions.

Then it just struck me -- what if there was a being, with say 10 times my intelligence, no lets make it 100 times my intelligence - who has a more complex brain - more neurons - more synapses than my brain - more grey matter - or maybe a completely different system of perceiving and analyzing. Would he find my activities 'Stupid' too ???

The frame changed ------ now i was the dog - instead of the tail i am chasing other things maybe - money / fame / pride / status / or things which i run after and going in circles. Obviously these things are important according to my thinking capacities - just as it was for the dog chasing his tail. So would a more intelligent creature come and laugh at me??? Probably ....... probably not. I might never know - because i cannot think beyond my thinking capacities.

Maybe if i was a dog - i would have probably commended the dog in his determined effort to chase the tail. Maybe i would be inspired to do the same just like i laud the efforts of successful men and women. Then again i dont know that either because i dont have a dog's brain. I may never find the answer but i just cannot deny the possibility of it being true.

WARNING :: Thinking could be injurious to joy ......

I was going to Pune this weekend [it was a three day weekend after eons and i didnt want to waste it]. I took a bus to pune and as any other normal bus it stopped at around 10 pm at a restaurant dhaba sort of place on the highway. Keeping with my policy of 'minimum food while travelling in a bus' - i got down , stretched my legs and had just a fruit plate. It was over in a matter of 5 minutes but the bus had stopped for half an hour.

Then something happened which has happened a million times before and atleast hundreds of times i have seen it earlier - it started to drizzle. Very fine sized water droplets - so small that even little wind that was there was enough to push it in any direction it wanted. And i was standing there looking at it as it fell on the front glass of the bus. The drops slowly coalescing to form bigger ones and then rolling down along the glass leaving a streak of water behind them - and all i was able to think was the damp smell that would be there in the bus for the rest of the journey.

Ambling around in the corridor just outside the restaurant. I looked up when i was at the end of the corridor with no particular reason and saw a very simple phenomenon. There was a light on the wall but the light was not visible from where i was standing - and in the background was the dark sky - so actually there was nothing to indicate that there was a light there but for the reflections of the light on the tiny droplets of water that were falling. As long as the droplets were in the scope of the light they were visible and then they would dissappear.

The moment i looked at it - all the inferences were drawn - the location and the colour of light - droplets shape - water's property to reflect and refract - the wind that was moving them in all directions. The explaination came naturally to me as i had learnt all these principles already. There was nothing interesting there anymore - nothing more to know - it was just a 'so ordinary phenomenon'.

But i stared at it for a bit more than usual time - and wondered - what if i did not know all these things - what if i did not know where the rain comes from or how water reflects - if i didnt know there was a light and didnt know what was happening. What would it be like ........

And then i found myself staring at the drops with amazement. What are those things? - appearing out of nowhere - dissappearing into nowhere - glowing as they flow - shining like balls of energy of some sort. As i stared at them for longer - i was able to see each and every droplet now - and track their motion - they were moving in slow motion now - the invisible wind playing with them - tossing them around up down sideways - their movements were so amazing - was this light - am i seeing the motion of light. Suddenly there would be a flurry of wind and the balls would become streaks of light. The streaks would loook like interwined strings of light. And then suddenly as if a slow motion button is pressed the droplets would be visible again. The transformation was amazing.

A broad smile came over my face, my mind filled with fascination, my brain refraining from giving me any explainations. And i stood there for atleast 10-15 minutes staring at that amazing display of something wonderful. Then it struck me where i was - people might be looking at me with curiousity - was i looking like a fool - smiling while looking at perceivably nothing special. But then were they seeing what i was - were they thinking what i was - were they feeling what i was - NO they had no idea. One guy actually tried to see something in the direction i was looking - but i guess he didnt get my point.

I realised how intelligence sometimes has the potential to steal away joy from us. I was enjoying a completely ordinary and fully explainable phenomenon because i didnt try to explain it. I am a pro intelligence guy - i draw inferences and explainations even before i know i have - but sometimes it is worth telling the brain not to work so much - there are amazing things all around us happening every moment - and they can be enjoyed no matter how trivial.

whatever ...

Twinkle twinkle
"oh (blur), atleast one is visible"

beep beep honk honk
another morning - "birds?? where?"

inhale - exhale
"cough cough"

Fruits grow on trees
100 Rs/kg

"I am the scariest creature"
HU HU HO HA HA

flowers in bottles
the AXE effect

dig dig dig - gold
"burn the forest down"

click click click [channel change]
static ... buzzzzzzzzzz

"The bugging animals on roads
in MY?? city"

burn burn burn burn
and let the appliances run

guns and roses
roses no more

"Too weak to give up greed
Too intelligent to acknowledge
Too far from my home"

Happens .....

Thank god i didnt read my horoscope for the day in the morning. It said my day would begin lonely. :P - Martin Hofstadter

Conserve water ????

Conserve water - dont let it run
Stop it, store it i want to keep it
I might need it - so this has to be done

Dont waste water its precious resource
So i dig into earth to get some more
It destroyed the balance, i dont care, ofcourse

The water meant streaming had a part to play
But break its way - make it fall - it makes electricity
Comfort that i seek i find this way

Stop the water that was meant to flow
In jars in bottles in tanks let it store
I will wash I will clean my filth and black
Then out of the pipe i will return it back

Conserve water - for those infinite spores
Living and thriving in cement and roads
Not one activity that i see can be done
Without twisting nature's arm, whats the fun?
And the joke is that one splat on my face
On this earth i am (supposed to be) the most intelligent race

Its ok to like ........

("How can you be like this? How can you .. ? How can you ... ? You already have a girlfriend ....then what is this are you crazy.....? You are such an ass?") -
He was thinking as she was talking to him. She was not his girlfriend. They had met a few months back - they were good friends - shared a lot of common things - the same office to begin with - the same type of work - they saw each other almost everyday - mostly at lunch.


"So what are you doing this weekend? You free?" she asked.

"Somewhat.. maybe.... why? what happened?" He answered.

"I want to watch AVATAR. Have you seen it." she said.

He was free on the weekend but hesitating still. In his mind somehow the rat of guilt was trapped in the cage. But in a casual way - the best face he could create with the guilt inside he said - "Naah, I dont want to.... my friends say its a waste."

"Tell that friend to see a psycologist, he has some problem in the brain." she spoke in disbelief.

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Later that day, with one of his old friend ---

"Man I am messed up in my mind, I have started liking this girl in office, you know her from the PV team"

"Soooooooo? Whats the problem?"

"Dude I already in a relationship and I love my girlfriend, I am feeling so guilty yaar."

"You know from where i see it, you dont need to be guiltly at all. So you liked a girl - why are you making a fuss of it? Its perfectly fine to like someone. There are billions of humans out there and obviously there are more than one person which transpire through your filter of 'likingness'. You like her, cool. That means you are emotionally active. Congradulations......"

"But isnt it wrong to feel this. I mean when i already have a girlfriend. Isnt this cheating?"

"There are a million other factors than those you know which come into play when you start liking someone. Most of them are not in your control. Like genetic compatibility. There must be a million women out there who are genetically compatible to you and so your body responds positively to them and your mind starts to like them. Then there is liking on an individual level. Its perfectly fine to like someone. Well its good to like someone. But what is wrong in this context is what are you trying to make out of it? or what importance you are giving to that fact?

You like the person. You like to talk with them. You want to see them smile. This is what makes us human. Liking doesnt mean you are looking ahead to a family with her or something like that. You like her, full stop. THATS IT. If you make anything more out of it then you are creating a mess for yourself."

"So you say i should stop being with her or not?"

"Accept the fact that you like her. But dont give it so much importance as to jeopardize your present relation. Friendship is more than perfect relationship to have and maintain with someone you like. There is nothing wrong in that."

"I hope you are right."

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