"Donot fall in there" - i was shouting to myself, i was trying hard. I had fallen in there earlier - it was dark in there - it was confusing and restless there. I never wanted it again - but still at the sight of it i get drawn to it. It has some wierd sort of gravity maybe which is very strong and as i try to go away - my very actions seem to be the reason of my fall. I sometimes laugh at myself for not being strong. I sometimes shout for being so weak. It pops out of nowhere and at anytime. I know i get out everytime i fall - but this time i'd rather avoid the trouble altogether.
The darkness in there leaves it to my imagination to draw lines and pictures. And believe me drawing a colourful picture there has always been difficult. The fears get a chance to come out there - and they are like the worst ones to let have the control of imagination. For one thing they are invariably wrong and have a self multiplying tendency. The lines and shapes always draw a murky picture - something i would have never thought - something that i would have never drawn. My weakness gives them strength to start making their own pictures.
First i loath - then i question - then i wonder - and in the darkness when that is all i am seeing i start to feel they are making sense. And keep looking.
The illusions get strong - i start hearing voices, their volumes getting louder and louder. I could shout at them to shut up. But i dont till they drown my own voice which was guiding me all the while. I start to believe in them and the stories they tell - they lie - and have fun at my reactions. I can see the smiles at the corner of their lips - their grin getting broader at my misery. They seem to enjoy it so much.
I get tired and angry. I know its not the truth and i want to NOT believe it - but i torture myself under the effect of the darkness, my imagination and the voices. Till i point comes when i realise how stupid i am being. But knowing this is the easiest part. I still have to shut the voices - and get into the light. Sometimes you get used to the darkness - and live in desolace, but not me - not this time or any other.
I shout at them - they smirk. I know the place where i entered but unable to open the door back outwards. My imagination still playing games with me. It takes time to open the door - depending on how huge locks i put on it as i entered. But its always my victory at the end. I come out to see the light - i turn back to see the darkness and laugh at it ---- i see it losing its grip on me and feel happy and dumb at the same time. The happiness of coming out and the stupidity of going there in the first place. But then all is well.
I promise myself i am never going to be back here .......... i hope i keep it for the rest of my life.
PS : I GET A NAIVETY HIT
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