It was nice when we were children - have a fight with anyone - say sorry easily - forgive easily - ego was small. Friends were closer - but then i grew older. Though i thought i was getting stronger - actually my power to 'not' get hurt was reducing.
"How could he do that" - would stay till the next time i wanted to play - but now it leaves scars which take eons to repair. Friendships are but a bit hollower when the heart is scared to get hurt. Close ones have so much power to hurt - but why did they get stronger when i grew older. Mother's shout did hurt that much earlier - but now anger courses when they talk against me ????
Is this the 'PRIDE' of getting older ?
Then to protect from getting hurt - i keep distance - a few handful of those whom i open up to have been given too much a power to hurt me. Dependency of a sort which i hate to lose. Neither can i tolerate differences in opinion.
Little fights have started to stay for so long that i forgot how to forgive and forget and get on with the new day. A new chance to play. Revenge lingers in dark corners - which i have not cleaned for a long time. Dirt of anger stacking in layers on the glass not allowing me to see clearly even in daylight.
I want to return to innocence - when i was stronger.
mujhe bhi innocence wapas chaiye..you are so right when u say we have big egos now..!!
ReplyDeleteIt was so easy for us to pull pawan's leg and then get back to playing within a matter of 10 minutes..
but now if you pull his leg..?? :P :P
We can still cultivate it, you know.
ReplyDeleteInnocence is freedom from sin or moral wrong, the state of being simple, the absence of guile.
liked ur post a lot! I had been planning to call someone who had hurt me but kept postponing it coz my BIG ego was coming in the way. Guess I should go now and make the call :)
ReplyDelete