The Plan

We have brains - we can think - we search reason. But is this a necessary condition for a reason to exist.
The Big plan of Universe - how we would love to think there is a big plan being played out. We are the parts towards a meaningful existence. We find comfort in that thought which leads to peace in mind. But then again it this a necessary condition for a reason to exist.
We are evolving - towards ??? towards something which is better than now ?? We are not satisfied with the 'NOW' we never will be. Otherwise we would have never build huge environment changing things for a better life. I use the adjective 'changing' here instead of destroying because i believe that even if we change earth to the brink of non-existence for humans [as we know it] - life will go on. There will be birth - there will be death, maybe not the one that questions and manipulates - but life nonetheless.
So keeping aside the question whether there is really a Universal Plan. I would like to ask - How much better we feel after thinking that it really does? Frankly because we are not going to realize the answer in near future. Maybe we are just moving through a time-space closed tube and soon we will reach where we started and start over again.
So is there a plan? I ask - Does it matter? I dont know - there are theories about whats after death - I can keep faith in one of them and follow. But Does it matter? I will die - maybe there is just a blank screen after that - maybe another journey - maybe a judgment for my deeds - or a free hand to heaven. But Does it matter?
What matters is what i do when i can do them?
So is there a plan? I dont know about the Cosmic one - but there is one i have made for myself - chances are always uncertain if my plan will go through - but that the best i have to live with - and keep making it, refining it and let the Universe worry about its plan.

Waiting to be happy?

Waiting to be happy
Lets try again tomorrow
Maybe it will happen
and i will get over this sorrow

Waiting to be happy
If my wishes come true
I will be thankful that it happened
and i will smile too

Waiting to be happy
if i get what i want
there will be void no more
I try but i cant

Waiting to be happy
If the fight i would win
If the feat i could achieve
If the profit i would gain

Waiting to be happy
and will wait forever
coz the list i made for myself
will end never

Waiting for happiness is not the way
Just be happy is what i would say
The unending list of wants and desires
It starts at your birth - and ends when you expire
So waiting for it makes no sense
You can let them go without expense

Chain of thoughts

Staying alone can be a torture. Especially when it makes you get complacent. You need someone around just to keep a track of your own self. I felt that need in the recent past. Though i am outperforming on the normal fronts of life but still there is this yearning for a different sense of achievement - the one that does not come out of a fight or victory - the one that does not come from the amount on the paycheck or the number of bugs you solved in the office today.
It comes from just coming back to a few smiling faces, and especially on friday nights. I cant complain, i have always been around people, but the last month taught me how difficult it is to stay motivated when you are alone and things are going your way. YES i said 'going your way'. Perhaps that why things dont always go your way. Just to keep you motivated - and what do most of us do with that - get bogged down. Only when there is a challenge is when we exert and come out of the comfort zone - and only there is the true learning.
There are so many things i want to do - but i am not doing it. WHY? because life is going on comfortably - thats one reason i hate comfort - it dulls me, and in general everybody. There are so many things to learn. To make yourself able to do. So many things to experience. I want to get out of this shell i am in - and funnily enough i know what to do - just do :) .
I dont know why this always seems so right in retrospect - but at the correct time i waste it in useless pursuits. The Must do it - Just do it attitude - have lost it somewhere, and i blame it on being alone. But blaming does not get me anywhere - so instead i should try to get over it. And now it feels like i am talking in circles.
I am not trying to make any point here - but am trying to learn to want to learn and then learn. Learning at the end of the day is the only thing i feel we are supposed to be doing - and we die the day we stop it. And frankly it never stops - there is always something to learn. It could be something exotic like an ancient language or something simple as finding a better way to fold sheets.
So in this post i went from loneliness -> complacency -> comfort -> challenges ->learning. If you have reached to this point in the post then i thank you for reading and hope you got the moral of the story - I am damn bored and blabbering the chain of thoughts in my head.

Problems

Sequence of problems - thats what life is - then suddenly for a brief period if you dont have problem - it feels weird - like something is out of place. And you question yourself - is it real? am i missing something? Times like these are so rare that i had almost forgotten to enjoy them.
But i seemed to have accepted the fact that problems will keep coming - one way or the other. It proved to be a great non discourager - well to coin a term. You dont get surprised if you expect something. But is expecting problems cynical? No i dont think so - it more like staying prepared for them. And it would be cynical to give into the problems before they come. I dont have any negative aspect attached to the problems that come my way.
From my experience i have learnt to welcome the problem like a temporary guest in the house. They are the likes of those who make you uncomfortable in your own house and you wait for them to leave. But when they come you cant just close the door on their face. They dont leave till they are satisfied.
Even if it is the greatest of the problems - history is witness - it doesnt stay forever - it just makes room for a new one though :P . But this atleast is a ground to believe that no matter what the problem is - IT WILL GET OVER. Now to answer the most important question which my near and dear ones might be thinking after reading this post - "What is the problem I am stuck with?" - just in case you thought that - i am not in any problem so to speak, its just how it is with everyone. And it is time when you dont have problems then you can analyse the situation from a calm standpoint and see how you have done so far.
Now i probably will start blabbering things - so i will end here. Just learn to enjoy the problem and the process to find the solution - once learnt that - life will be just as much enjoyable. BUT ITS THE LEARNING THATS THE TOUGHEST PART. :D