Apple juice from China - I

Spoke too soon, did I? Perhaps you didnt like it. But I was not challenging or complaining or mocking. Surprised - yes, you had never been so easy on me lately, so the change of attitude was definitely a difference that I felt. You know how much I know you - not as much as you know me definitely but still I am trying to understand, bit by bit.

Fear you say - no I shall do my best to not let it take control. Its a waste feeling - never helped me. Some say it is basic to survival - but then is survival basic to existence? Agnostic about it - a bit against the idea of fear being useful but then again we live in a relative world.

I used to feel that there is supposed to be, or rather can be a smooth relationship between us. But simply the idea is only because I wanted it that way and has no bearing to how it is actually supposed to be. The more I try to understand the more my fantasies are broken as reality comes forth slowly. And I realise the perfection of things as they are - as they always were.

The stage is perfectly set - you have done all the hard work to set it up for me. Though my script is missing. And when I ask you for it - you simply smile. The smile is a mixture of mocking, understanding, explaining and the one of faith at the same time. You must have seen so many like me before. I felt you are waiting for my act too - maybe you know what is on stage and what is going to happen - maybe you dont.

But you show faith and you never stop smiling. As I stand at the centre stage the curtains are just about to rise - An actor without the script of even the knowledge of plot. The ending unknown - the curtains rise.

The bright light focussing on me - my pupils contract and I am unable to see what is in front. All I have is the light, your faith in me and myself. I close my eyes - take a deep breath. And open my eyes ............

A == B ?

Of the saints and sinner
Who is more cleaner

He who walks and prays
all his days
or the one who kills
and the void he fills

If objective be separated from action
In the end we all seek satisfaction
One finds in prayer
One becomes a slayer

I dont want to die so i despise
the methods that the slayer tries

Its just that the reality
i perceive as i want it to be
The truth thats so hard to see
is something different maybe

Back to business :)

Its been so long blogging - feels good
The feel of the keys on my fingers when i am not trying to write a code
or trying to finish my assignment or a project
Letting the thoughts roll and my fingers following them
WOW......

Nothing particular on my mind though ....
Just looking at the story being unfold
One day at a time - enjoying every second of what life is giving me
It used to throw things at me earlier - checking if i can catch it or get hurt in the process
It has stopped that
maybe only for sometime now
or maybe for a change it is handing things in my hand
But i know this is one thing it hates to do

I enjoyed playing the game every single time
and waiting for the next round
But this time better prepared than the last round

I guess...........

Life has an unusual way to disappoint and surprise me -- but i wont be at all surprised if it does that again ------ [oxymoron]

Well thats how it is... :)

Wait and watch

Just a glance that i miss
Dont know if it exists
Not a dream or desire
Nor burning in the fire
Looking at the story unfold
waiting for it to be told
enjoying my way
through the night and the day
let the mystery remain
will i lose or will i gain?
Its the illusion of things
that attachment brings
In the mirror i see
The man is smiling at me
what tomorrow will bring
tomorrow we shall see ...

One step ahead - and a look back

A : Why is this happening to me? Life cant you take some time off from stabbing at me? Oh God.... when will this end? I hate this ..... I dont know what to do .... i dont know what will happen ..

B : Relax it all gonna be alright.

A : What the .. ? Who are you and how did you come into my room? And why the hell do you look like me?

B : Relax i am you from the future.

A : How can it be - you look so happy? My life is in the dumpster.

B : I am from the time you - i mean I - will have overcome them all.

A : So this all will be over?

B : I think it is safe to assume so - believe me i am from there. And i am looking at you right now and realizing all this fussing out was so useless. I feel there was no need for all of this. But well if you think you must - you must.

-------------- XXXXXXXXXXXX ------------------

Has anyone felt like this after overcoming any problem?

It has invariably happened with me that bad times got over and then i felt - Was all the cribbing - sadness - negativity and all the pain really required when it was all going to end anyway? So i thought the next time i am going to be in a dead situation - instead of being sad that it is - i will be happy for the times yet to come when i would have had overcome it. Definitely doesnt solve anything - but clips one negative cycle out of my life - a little less time being sad and a little less time being down.

Worth it ??????

You see being sad or happy has nothing to do with changing the situation in which you are? What changes it is your actions? Being sad draws out too much energy to leave something out for effective action. So next time i am going to be stuck in life - i am going to be happy instead - happy so that i get the energy to change what i want to - not because i dont care - but actually because i do.

To live means to die

To live means to die

- with no regrets in the heart
- no sorrow of the past
- no hatred or ill will
- no dreams unlived
- with no reasons to be sad
- no grudges you might have had
- no revenge of any scar
- no worries in the heart
- no anxiety in your mind
- no burden left behind
+ with a smile on your face
- no memories of disgrace
- no moments you regret
- no people you want to forget
+ only love in your heart
+ only smile for the past
+ only thankful for what has been
+ for all the treasures you have seen
+ only calm in the eyes
- with no fears - no lies

Till you die this way
You shall live to see another day

Moments that made me smile I

SS: hi aanle ka files?

me: ho

SS: jabasdast thanks :)

wats ur account number of BOA

me: arey its just (0.75*3)*1.0775

you want to do a bank to bank transfer for that\

?

SS: yes

money is everthing :P

me: ok then buy me 2 burgers next week

and we will be even

just an option

SS: ok...

me: :)

SS: ur choice

me: food is everything for me :)

he he

SS: hehe

:)