Its ok to like ........

("How can you be like this? How can you .. ? How can you ... ? You already have a girlfriend ....then what is this are you crazy.....? You are such an ass?") -
He was thinking as she was talking to him. She was not his girlfriend. They had met a few months back - they were good friends - shared a lot of common things - the same office to begin with - the same type of work - they saw each other almost everyday - mostly at lunch.


"So what are you doing this weekend? You free?" she asked.

"Somewhat.. maybe.... why? what happened?" He answered.

"I want to watch AVATAR. Have you seen it." she said.

He was free on the weekend but hesitating still. In his mind somehow the rat of guilt was trapped in the cage. But in a casual way - the best face he could create with the guilt inside he said - "Naah, I dont want to.... my friends say its a waste."

"Tell that friend to see a psycologist, he has some problem in the brain." she spoke in disbelief.

=====================================================================================

Later that day, with one of his old friend ---

"Man I am messed up in my mind, I have started liking this girl in office, you know her from the PV team"

"Soooooooo? Whats the problem?"

"Dude I already in a relationship and I love my girlfriend, I am feeling so guilty yaar."

"You know from where i see it, you dont need to be guiltly at all. So you liked a girl - why are you making a fuss of it? Its perfectly fine to like someone. There are billions of humans out there and obviously there are more than one person which transpire through your filter of 'likingness'. You like her, cool. That means you are emotionally active. Congradulations......"

"But isnt it wrong to feel this. I mean when i already have a girlfriend. Isnt this cheating?"

"There are a million other factors than those you know which come into play when you start liking someone. Most of them are not in your control. Like genetic compatibility. There must be a million women out there who are genetically compatible to you and so your body responds positively to them and your mind starts to like them. Then there is liking on an individual level. Its perfectly fine to like someone. Well its good to like someone. But what is wrong in this context is what are you trying to make out of it? or what importance you are giving to that fact?

You like the person. You like to talk with them. You want to see them smile. This is what makes us human. Liking doesnt mean you are looking ahead to a family with her or something like that. You like her, full stop. THATS IT. If you make anything more out of it then you are creating a mess for yourself."

"So you say i should stop being with her or not?"

"Accept the fact that you like her. But dont give it so much importance as to jeopardize your present relation. Friendship is more than perfect relationship to have and maintain with someone you like. There is nothing wrong in that."

"I hope you are right."

=====================================================================================

New Guitar

It was a new start
My new guitar and me
On the first day we met it said
-"You cant handle me"
With a smirk on its face and twist in its string
It was mocking
It was laughing

I tried to play
The first few times
I could hear it say
- "Ok kid try it your way"
with air of superiority
and a sadistic smile
it just gigled
while i was trying

I tried hard - hurt my fingers
The thought of giving up lingered
But I was enjoying the game
I knew the guitar felt the same
But still far from audible
It was only decibel
But a little better that yesterday
that was my consolation of the day

Days passed and i got better
String by string and chord by chord
The guitar lesser of an enemy more of a friend
And as i practiced i think it said
"You doing well - better than before
The days that passed was a test
and i can see you are doing your best
But still a long way to go
but now we are in it - TOGETHER ......... "

Its the same
In every game
especially the one called life
It tests you till it finds you worthy
before you get anything
If you break before the test is over
ITS OVER ......
Never give up :)

Thank you?? ..... God

'We thank you god for the world so sweet

We thank you god for the food we eat

We thank you god for the birds that sing

We thank you god for everything ....... Amen'

Those who have studied in my school might be very familiar with this. And for others - this was the prayer we had to say at the end of the school hours, before leaving. Thanking god seems to be a very important thing. I have heard, read and seen a million times everywhere - "We must be thankful for everything". I certainly believe in being thankful but i have a lot of objection with excessive expression of this fact - and specifically to god.

See if you have a very very dear person - say a close friend, a younger brother/sister, lover, relative -- anyone. And you do something for them - dont you feel a bit annoyed when they thank you for what you have done. It seems ok from a stranger but not from a close person.

Its like - 'Hey, i didnt do it for a "thank you", i just did it to see you smile.'

Now if a lowly human with simple feelings can feel this way. Then tell me how the supreme being (so to say) would feel. How would a mother feel if her children kept thanking her - wont she feel cloyed.

I used to thank god a lot for everything - even the troubles. But then i realised it must be getting pissed - because i believe that we are all very very close to god. Knowingly or unknowingly. That energy/power (whatever it may be) loves us all - basically we are all part of it. So then why the 'thank you'.

I am not being thankless or taking things for granted. I am just not expressing it - instead i smile with gratitude for anything given to me - joy or pain. I am thankful - but am going to be happy instead of expressing it.

Good or Bad ..... Neither

Lately for me the lines between the 'GOOD' abd the 'BAD' are becoming hazier and hazier. I wonder when did good - bad / right - wrong came into picture. Was it always there as an inherent part of everything or did it have a beginning. What we consider good/right/correct now - it sounds a very appropriate means of labelling activities that we perform - but by the meaning of good - is it good?

Here i am trying to say that good and bad are very efficient classifiers of action into two groups - one desirable and other undesirable. But does the meaning of the word good and bad has to do anything with it.

If this separation existed always - then it should have been there even before life began - but then consider the following -

1) Earthquake - destroys geography of entire planet - no life -> good? or bad?
2) Comet collide with planet -> huge destruction??

[sorry for poor imagination - this is all i could think in a world without life]

Then when life began - the first set of molecules that coalesced to exist as life.
They had their cycles - good? or bad?
Some of them started to feed on other microbes - one bacteria eating other - good? or bad?

After a little evolution - larger creatures - feeding on each other - so were carnivorous creatures good? or bad?

When i think about this i feel the good and bad never existed - it came into being not when the first man was murdered - but when someone wanted to take a revenge. In the name of punishing the other - his activities were called 'BAD'. Down the line just like the society things kept getting complicated and complicated - but the basic confusion that i face is - is the 'GOOD' really good? i am sure i want it. And then i see the stricking overlap between what 'I WANT' and what i consider 'GOOD' for me.

Oh the weather is 'BAD' today - its giving me allergies? Can the weather be bad?? its a cycle - neutral.

Then we come to complicated issues like - arent terrorists bad? as a label to distinguish their activities from mine - yes 'BAD' but not bad in its meaning. Yeah so they kill for what they believe - what is new dont we do the same - maybe not humans - but a life is a life. But in their heads they have a reason which is strong enough for them to act this way.

I would try my best to kill a terrorist before he kills others - but does it mean i am doing a 'GOOD' thing - i doubt that. Its like there is a heads to the coin and tails to the coin - thats it. His activites and mine were opposing - he wanted to kill - i did not want him to do that - we have conflict - the stronger wins. Nothing inherently good in what i did and nothing bad what he did. But to label the activities, yes, 'GOOD' and 'BAD' serve the purpose.

What i am suggesting is that good and bad dont exist. Its just activities - i chose to do things in one way - someone else in another - if we are opposing each other - there is clash - i take stand for what i believe - he does the same for himself. We use force - physical or intellectual and try to prove the other wrong. THATS IT. I am not doing any 'GOOD' nor is he doing any 'BAD'. These are just labels.

'do you have gf ...... so pls give me' - what nerve

So here i just put up a broadcast on IMO for searching one of my old school friend - Sanjay Raghavan and i got this friend request from meddy344 (no idea who), he saw the broadcast and so replied. K well i thought i have some lead so as to where Sanjay is ----- but no - SURPRISE - just when i thought i could expect the craziest stuff - this guy just proved me wrong.

me: hello
meddy344: hi
how are you?
me: do i know you?
i am fine
meddy344: no u don't knw me
where ru frm?
me: i am from Nagpur - did you read my broadcast??
[Ok chat starts - general - who and how etc..... normal]

meddy344: yes
m/f
there?
me: so where are you from
meddy344: m from gujrat
me: you have any idea about sanjay
[Now since he read my broadcast - i expect he knows something to tell me .......hah! my wish]

meddy344: but can you tell me asl pls?
[Why the hell ....... wierd, couldnt understand how it was relevant in this context - but still i humoured his request]

me: 24 - M
what abt you?
[I had to ask back ... right]

meddy344: oh what a co-incidence
m also 24m
and m marathi
and u
me: me too
[Kool good till now - he is not the first stranger who i chatted while searching for Sanjay - the the whacky guy starts off now ....... ]

meddy344: so do you have any marathi girls ID
i need your help[
me: sorry cant help with that
[Yeah what am i - online dating service???]

meddy344: it's o
ok
do you have gf
so pls give me
[WHAT WAS HE THINKING - and whatever he meant by 'so pls give me'??? such an ASS]

me: dude u need to grow up by now
meddy344: m boring now
by
take car
[And now he is 'boring'???]

me: u too
meddy344: can u delete my id
me: sure
[Good Riddance]

PS : This happened really - word to word. There sure are whacky people out there and i am sure this guy is just the tip of the iceberg.

PS2 : No hard feelings meddy344. If you are disturbed by this post please leave a comment. [:s/meddy344/xyz/g]

Worth it ..... yeah :)

Cost of bus to Nimhans hospital - 7 Rs or on a bike (40Kmpl) - 3 Rs
Cost of return on bus to office - 7 Rs or on a bike (40Kmpl) - 3 Rs

Human effort
- 20 mins standing/sitting/driving
- 15 minutes lying down
- mass loss 150 gms

Returns :
1 Certificate (Not important)
1 fruit juice (yeah right)
4 biscuits (are you kidding me)
AND
1 human LIFE - infinite value
Satisfaction - infinite value

There are things worth the effort - like the smile on that stranger's face whose wife was going to be operated ........... and the smile on my face .... too :)

The Smiles - VII

A few months later .............................

'What will you have dear?'

'Get a cappuccino for me.....'

'Back in a minute.'

Jef walked up to the counter. He was in a very good mood today for no particular reason. As he walked up to the counter he saw a familiar face. It was his old friend who had advised him to go to the memory surgeon. Jef was delighted to meet him.

'Hey Jef how have you been? You look great man.'

'Ya man - things have turned just perfectly for me. Come here i want you to meet someone.'

Jef took his friend up to his table.

'Dear i want you to meet my friend - you know the one i told you about. He was the first to ask me to go to the surgeon.'

'Oh so nice to meet you. Jef is so so greatful to you and so am I. Thank you for all that you did. I would have never met such a wonderful person if it was not for you.'

'So Jef you finally did choose to do the operation?'

'Yes and no.......'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Well i did go to get that operation done. I had even finalized it but at the last moment I didnt go through with it. Everything was set i was in the machine they had made to do memory surgeries. You know thats one hell of a ride. It like looking into your own head. When they started the operation all memories came in from of me. Everything i have in this brain was in front. It was amazing. I saw things in my memories right from my childhood - my childhood friends - my school - college - my time with her everything was like moving pictures in front of me.

I saw her at times when we were together. When we fought - her smile, her laugh, her look saying 'how could you', her look saying 'i need you', her disappointment, her excitement, her dreams that she shared with me, the time we spent together. Everything was there you know - everything everything. Tears started to come out of my eyes - those were not sad ones - but happy ones. Of seeing her again. And then i thought - i havent lost her at all - she is here - closer than ever before. It was only my stupidity that i had lost her from my thoughts. There was absolutely no reason for me to be sad - it was just my foolishness that i was unaware of till that moment.

I realized it would be stupidity if i let this go. It was only how i associated with it. And i was happier than ever before at that moment. There was no need for that operation.

Another thing i realised is love is not at all about wanting the person - its a strange feeling of enormous happiness when you see the other person smile. There were no bonds there - no constrains. My relation with her was re-invented at that moment. There was no scope of sadness in there now. I was at peace. And she was always around me. There were no conditions - no illusions - just happiness.

I would have never reached there if i had not gone to the doctor. And i would have never gone to the doctor - if you hadnt coaxed me to. So thank you so so so much.'

The three of them were smiling at each other. The smile that is full of contention and satisfaction - a happy friend - a lovely companion and few great memories - Jef couldnt ask for a happier life :)

ITS WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE - NOTHING IS AS IT IS.
HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE NOT A CONDITION :)